It is my first post in a while, so this is probably an appropriate subject for it. I got yelled at today by a friend. He had every right to tell me off, but I suppose it was the way in which he said some things that have flagged a few disguised resentments. It's happened before with my Aunt, and my Mother. It has to be something to do with my timid outward appearance that makes people so high, they can't resist the power boost. I usually say nothing. It's not nice.
This doesn't happen for most people I assume. Clearly I have some very strange social interactions being pretty much friendless. I have been especially sad lately because the girl I liked and who I though liked me has not returned any of my messages. I think I wasn't made to have relationships, romantic, friendship, or otherwise. Overall I'm okay with that. I could live happily by myself for many many years (seriously happy not just peaceful or quiet actually living it up alone - a one man 'party' (not that parties are much fun in the first place)) without another soul. However life doesn't work that way.
All I encounter, all I can see these days, are other people's barriers. Sure I have my own but they're usually to do with social paranoia. This may be a counter attack of my social anxiety I suspected myself of having many weeks ago.
There are a lot of responsibilities and pressure on me to interact and do well, contribute to society and all of that. Well frankly I would rather operate behind the scenes. I would rather spend weeks alone developing something amazing, something like art, or lurking without speaking.
I probably shouldn't post something like this.
You can see that I internalize things a lot. You would too...
