I can't believe what is happening to me. Since when did I become even minorly popular. It's not like I have the same sort of social life as most other people, like my little sister, social butterfly that she is, but I'm meeting so many new people and right at the time when I have no time!
It's exam period. I have to ration what I do with a heavy dose of studying every day. Although the past two nights I have spent watching tv (tonight) and reading teh atlas (last night) obsessively almost for 5 hours. I spent this afternoon reading through an HSC text, English Canon I think it is called and this morning playing Dwarf Fortress after the trader gave me a bad deal and I ragequit the game that I had been playing. I had a poorly laid out fortress that was virtually impossible to defend but was successfully making adamantium goods.
Meanwhile I'm meant to be writing my novel. It has been going really well so far. I've come to terms with a lot of the 'don'ts' of NaNoWriMo very quickly - most of them are just remembered. So now I'm moving on to a seriously structured story.
What does that have to do with a social life?... well, I've met so many writers through NaNoWriMo and have been wanting so much to just spend hours chatting with some of them. I even had a dream about one, but I'll leave that as a secret so I don't frighten him/her. I may even tell the person. It should be considered an honor to be promoted to figment of my imagination! (and real life human too :P)
On top of that I have met so many wonderful people this year at university. I mean, there are only really a small number but they are so nice and full of character that it's impossible to belittle any. I need to keep in contact is what the little voice in my head is telling me.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
it begins...
So yesterday I met 2 lovely new Nanoers, Elle and Andrew. I had coffee at the coffee club between Hyde park and Town Hall station with them and Nick. I complained about the price of coffee, $4.80 for a (well made) large cappuccino, and they said it was normal lol. Usually I bring my coffee to uni with me cold and black in a hip flask, for about 10 cents for coffee twice as strong and almost certainly unburnt. It was a nice change of pace from playing Dwarf Fortress all day. It started raining too, a really nice spring rain in amidst the crazy stormy weather we've been having.
I'm now lots more excited about NaNoWriMo. I was forced to plan a lot last night, with the pressure of other writers surrounding me. It was very productive and I now have some idea about the plot (for the main story - I'm going to do a bunch of short stories as well and see how far I can get in just 16.5 days). I don't want to reveal it here, but at least Nick approved of my main character that I'm the least sure about.
Andrew turns out to be a Science (Maths and Computer Science) graduate, so it was great learning about his life outside of uni. He's only been out and about for a year. He's a Doctor Who fan, like myself. I even explained how I'd love it if the companion were to be irrevocably changed by the Doctor's putting her into danger. That of course conflicts with the episodic nature of the show, but it's a great story idea. It creates a story arc like many superhero comics. Anyway, it's super cool to sit around in a cafe with similarly socially defective people. Whenever we didn't feel like talking we bunkered down and wrote as much as we could on the story. For once I felt like I fit in even though the waitress seemed very confused by it all.
I was on the train ride home and some old chinese woman noticed me making origami. I gave her 4 little folded pieces to take home. She was fairly happy about it, but I couldn't make any more than that in the time... All my origami is very complicated, so since learning that I've been searching for some more pieces I can do almost as a performance art. It helps to have someone looking on your work as an objective viewpoint, even if it is only an old chinese lady on the train.
Today has been very windy. I don't like windy days.
I'm now lots more excited about NaNoWriMo. I was forced to plan a lot last night, with the pressure of other writers surrounding me. It was very productive and I now have some idea about the plot (for the main story - I'm going to do a bunch of short stories as well and see how far I can get in just 16.5 days). I don't want to reveal it here, but at least Nick approved of my main character that I'm the least sure about.
Andrew turns out to be a Science (Maths and Computer Science) graduate, so it was great learning about his life outside of uni. He's only been out and about for a year. He's a Doctor Who fan, like myself. I even explained how I'd love it if the companion were to be irrevocably changed by the Doctor's putting her into danger. That of course conflicts with the episodic nature of the show, but it's a great story idea. It creates a story arc like many superhero comics. Anyway, it's super cool to sit around in a cafe with similarly socially defective people. Whenever we didn't feel like talking we bunkered down and wrote as much as we could on the story. For once I felt like I fit in even though the waitress seemed very confused by it all.
I was on the train ride home and some old chinese woman noticed me making origami. I gave her 4 little folded pieces to take home. She was fairly happy about it, but I couldn't make any more than that in the time... All my origami is very complicated, so since learning that I've been searching for some more pieces I can do almost as a performance art. It helps to have someone looking on your work as an objective viewpoint, even if it is only an old chinese lady on the train.
Today has been very windy. I don't like windy days.
Monday, October 4, 2010
deconstructing the rose
It is October, almost time for NaNoWriMo. I'm really looking forward to it. I don't have a plotted out story in mind yet but I'm sure it will be a good one. I have a feeling that the quality this year is going to be much higher than last. Then afterward (after a brief editing) I'll get started on the real stuff. Because NaNo this year coincides with graduation from university with a meager maths degree (i.e B Sci (Major in Maths)).
I found an origami rose in the park last Tuesday and have been trying to deconstruct it. I have restricted myself from peeking at the fold pattern and hence it is a very challenging game. Yesterday I came so close. There are a lot of basic folds on the outside, I just don't know how to twist it into shape. The flaps that are meant to form have not yet made themselves apparent. I'll keep trying, but maybe I should be doing my homework first.
I have two assignments, Dynamics and Quantitative Risk. They are both kind of simple. Quantitative Risk I will probably spend a lot of today doing, because yes it has answers, but they have to be explained in a choosy way and I take ages to choose anything. Dynamics just has answers. Wrong or right.
Yes I know I have problems interacting with people. Last Thursday I had dinner with the Unibuds Decoration department at JL's apartment. It was so much fun and I even flirted a little with the girl that I like. It's a little bit unfortunate that she is a graduate with honors and I'm still studying. I even had this conversation with a friend last weekend. Once I finish uni and get a job I know I'll be a whole lot more confident and have a more active social life. I'm still paralyzed mostly by how horrible relationships can turn out, and what people might think of me if I even suggest dating. And btw I suck at dating. I never know what to do.
no time even for this.
Smoke me a Kipper, can you do that?
I found an origami rose in the park last Tuesday and have been trying to deconstruct it. I have restricted myself from peeking at the fold pattern and hence it is a very challenging game. Yesterday I came so close. There are a lot of basic folds on the outside, I just don't know how to twist it into shape. The flaps that are meant to form have not yet made themselves apparent. I'll keep trying, but maybe I should be doing my homework first.
I have two assignments, Dynamics and Quantitative Risk. They are both kind of simple. Quantitative Risk I will probably spend a lot of today doing, because yes it has answers, but they have to be explained in a choosy way and I take ages to choose anything. Dynamics just has answers. Wrong or right.
Yes I know I have problems interacting with people. Last Thursday I had dinner with the Unibuds Decoration department at JL's apartment. It was so much fun and I even flirted a little with the girl that I like. It's a little bit unfortunate that she is a graduate with honors and I'm still studying. I even had this conversation with a friend last weekend. Once I finish uni and get a job I know I'll be a whole lot more confident and have a more active social life. I'm still paralyzed mostly by how horrible relationships can turn out, and what people might think of me if I even suggest dating. And btw I suck at dating. I never know what to do.
no time even for this.
Smoke me a Kipper, can you do that?
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I am confuxed
Why oh why do I have to choose now to mull over the BIG questions in my mind, such as what are my goals, why are other people the way they are, what am I going to do after I leave uni, what should I take away from all this Maths???? It is becoming more and more amazing the deeper I get into it, and yet there is absolutely no time to study anything in detail.
It's partly because I have a speech tomorrow. I have no idea what my buddy is going to say, and I'm even more perplexed because our speech is meant to be mathematically based and yet it contains no maths. No equations, no graphs, nothing. My buddy is absolutely certain about his side of the topic but we're missing the entire point.
I just want to play. These are way too many pressures to put onto a 21yo.
It's partly because I have a speech tomorrow. I have no idea what my buddy is going to say, and I'm even more perplexed because our speech is meant to be mathematically based and yet it contains no maths. No equations, no graphs, nothing. My buddy is absolutely certain about his side of the topic but we're missing the entire point.
I just want to play. These are way too many pressures to put onto a 21yo.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
serious fears
I've had some time to think, while I was wondering around the suburbs north of Lewisham looking for the Aboriginal art exhibition last night. I'm ashamed to admit that I misread the address and spent the night looking for Leichardt St, Leichardt (note that there is a Balmain St in Balmain just one imaginary suburb line away). Um, besides looking around actively for place names I was also partly withdrawn into my head thinking deeply about my poor social skills. I second guess everything that I do and everything that other people do around me. I can't hold a persons stare when they are just walking down the street, although I usually prefer a lot of eye contact while conversing because I can read so much more from people's eyes than body movements... TMI? I'm going to stop the details right there.
It is a serious problem. It's the source of a lot of anguish for me, because mentally I can't get close to anyone without hurting myself through this tirade of second guessing and feeling like an idiot. I long for the day when I can overcome those anxieties and stop being so hard on myself.
I have previously had occasion when this sort of cycle doesn't even start. I am left during those times with a big question, am I really being me? I want to do the best that I can and as soon as I start to analyze the situation in which I am socially more able the feeling I get is familiar and comfortable. I need this scorn because it is part of me and pushes me to be better. Nevertheless I don't get any enjoyment out of speaking to anyone anymore. It's like we operate on completely different wavelengths. I'm the only one tuned in to this station, and instead of seeing similarities (which are usually quite shallow) all I can see in people are major differences, neither good nor bad things but incompatible.
Something's wrong.
It is a serious problem. It's the source of a lot of anguish for me, because mentally I can't get close to anyone without hurting myself through this tirade of second guessing and feeling like an idiot. I long for the day when I can overcome those anxieties and stop being so hard on myself.
I have previously had occasion when this sort of cycle doesn't even start. I am left during those times with a big question, am I really being me? I want to do the best that I can and as soon as I start to analyze the situation in which I am socially more able the feeling I get is familiar and comfortable. I need this scorn because it is part of me and pushes me to be better. Nevertheless I don't get any enjoyment out of speaking to anyone anymore. It's like we operate on completely different wavelengths. I'm the only one tuned in to this station, and instead of seeing similarities (which are usually quite shallow) all I can see in people are major differences, neither good nor bad things but incompatible.
Something's wrong.
Friday, September 17, 2010
University content
SOooo I have been reading a book called "Traders, Guns and Money" about the world of derivatives and the system of banking / stock markets etc. It complements my course on Quantitative Risk but I'm struggling. The entire subject is so convoluted, like learning english, except that this time there are meant to be some rules. We're still dealing with numbers aren't we? I'm not sure anymore.
I would like to instead spend time doing silly integration exercises for my Complex Analysis course and just to remind myself of all the things I've forgotten. At some point I'll have to face up to this weird quality of having a bad memory. Things just get pushed out after all the information I absorb on a day to day basis. Hopefully I'll be able to sustain it with exercises until the end of session, when I am due to graduate. At least now I have a little time and the motivation to complete all my assignments early.
I'm really enjoying my free time, listening to FBI radio. I find it difficult to distinguish between each of the electronic songs but I'm getting used to them. Writing down the song titles and listening proactively to where it came from helps enormously.
Today I waited until about 12:30 to have my first coffee of the day. I am pretty pathetic in that I can't go very long without one. I am going to give tea a try, since coffee seems to make me sleepy by about 1300-1400 each day. Monkeys (most mammals actually) take naps in the middle of the day in order to stay alert until the night time. It would have been best if I just stuck to my schedule. Instead I tried this during the holidays and totally screwed with my sleeping patterns.
There is an art gallery exhibition next week, Wednesday is the opening night but the exhibition really starts on the Tuesday. Ken volunteers for Amnesty International and he has organized a lot of it. Hopefully my dad will also be able to come. The theme is something from the declaration of rights of indigenous peoples, or something, and an artwork from each student about that. Even though the students are not all indigenous they have done it in the style of Aboriginal art. I love the type of abstract symbolism used by aboriginals, their depiction of river systems is the most natural form I have ever known. Using little dabs of paint on the ends of sticks they create wonderfully flowing dreamlike paintings. I have attempted a little to make some similar styled pieces myself, but there are many nuances that I notice each time I try to mimic. Their blending of color is rare but quite incredible and detailed even though it looks like a blur (as good blending should).
I would like to instead spend time doing silly integration exercises for my Complex Analysis course and just to remind myself of all the things I've forgotten. At some point I'll have to face up to this weird quality of having a bad memory. Things just get pushed out after all the information I absorb on a day to day basis. Hopefully I'll be able to sustain it with exercises until the end of session, when I am due to graduate. At least now I have a little time and the motivation to complete all my assignments early.
I'm really enjoying my free time, listening to FBI radio. I find it difficult to distinguish between each of the electronic songs but I'm getting used to them. Writing down the song titles and listening proactively to where it came from helps enormously.
Today I waited until about 12:30 to have my first coffee of the day. I am pretty pathetic in that I can't go very long without one. I am going to give tea a try, since coffee seems to make me sleepy by about 1300-1400 each day. Monkeys (most mammals actually) take naps in the middle of the day in order to stay alert until the night time. It would have been best if I just stuck to my schedule. Instead I tried this during the holidays and totally screwed with my sleeping patterns.
There is an art gallery exhibition next week, Wednesday is the opening night but the exhibition really starts on the Tuesday. Ken volunteers for Amnesty International and he has organized a lot of it. Hopefully my dad will also be able to come. The theme is something from the declaration of rights of indigenous peoples, or something, and an artwork from each student about that. Even though the students are not all indigenous they have done it in the style of Aboriginal art. I love the type of abstract symbolism used by aboriginals, their depiction of river systems is the most natural form I have ever known. Using little dabs of paint on the ends of sticks they create wonderfully flowing dreamlike paintings. I have attempted a little to make some similar styled pieces myself, but there are many nuances that I notice each time I try to mimic. Their blending of color is rare but quite incredible and detailed even though it looks like a blur (as good blending should).
Thursday, September 16, 2010
temporary tattoos
I applied a temporary tattoo to my arm today. It was a silly thing to do since I wore my heavy coat and nobody saw it. I'm hoping to show it off at least for a short time today at dinner. Ken and Judith have invited me over, Margaret will be there too. I was so happy when I discovered this little booklet of really cool little tattoo designs in a little store in Campsie. They bring back childhood memories, except that this time instead of applying little crazy faces or australian flags to my face and body (boy the neck and cheek was a mistake you only make once) I have a range of flowers, butterflies, and abstract designs to choose from!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)