Hot or Cold?

Gruahhh, I had a fun night killing zombies. I was in the mood to play, but definitely not in the zone. In fact I was so far out of the zone that the times that I didn't hang back and mess around taking pot shots and waiting for the zombies to rush at us, I was shooting cars to set off alarms and rushing forward to get swarmed and knocked down. The only part I did succeed at consisted of relentlessly shooting tanks and shoving stuff in survival mode, and even then I had to be saved multiple times, often resulting in our entire team getting swarmed and knocked down.

So just when I was starting to get good at it, I've become really disheartened with socializing and talking to people. I don't want to feel as though I'm forcing my ideas onto them but it's unavoidable when everyone is so damn cold. It's even worse than that. I know for a fact that they are not cold people (sorry, I should explain, I think of book characters partly in terms of temperature, there are a wide range of tepid areas but mostly people fall into the categories of hot and cold - either is fine and identity inseparable. I am certainly hot.) they're just acting that way because idno. There are possible reasons that I can't be sure of, one is that they are trying to restrict me just through natural opposition to 'strangers' and I'm a stranger to EVERYONE (my mother? Forget it, I could have been adopted! She said last night, "it's only a book" and I'm still brooding over it (that phrase is not okay with me in ANY context)), another is that the people I talk to fundamentally interact through opposition to any subject matter, and yet another that they really don't care (why engage in conversation in the first place?). You know what? Every possible reason disturbs me.

Speech is such a ridiculously complex system. Moreso in cases where the proponents don't want or aren't trying to connect/comprehend.

whoa, what a strange day. The world is brimming with beauty and it's equally unbearable. Damn I'm useless but I'm enjoying myself. It's a subconscious tradeoff.

Creative ENERGIES

I am weirdly in touch with my creative side today. I've drawn a few random stuff, written a small amount that's very good - sometimes the very bad books are the very best guides to writing. Saga of The Seven Suns v1 is hard to read, it's slow and very loosely connected at all times, it feels like there is no goal at the end, only a very non-imminent conflict on the horizon. However the style is so generously insightful. It makes no great leap from Anderson's brain to the page and that's comforting and familiar and transparent and all the good things for studying the creative process. So I'm enjoying it a lot and hope it gets better, I have a long way to go to the finale.

I watched District 9 for the second time last night. It's a grim and pessimistic take on humanity. That's the main message I read from the movie. The MC's fight to survive and personal development are touching, but I'm sure anyone can watch it and read about such things on any other review.

We also rented Bladerunner. Well, I did. We looked carefully for it. This is a scary trend. I've been recommended to watch both these movies by the same person and I loved both and I really want to talk to him. It's weird though. We don't see eachother on equal terms, there's a distinct age difference. Maybe I'm being premature and foolish. I don't want to wait until mid March to see him again. If he's reading this, and I know you know who you are :P call me. I'm really understanding.

O-Week @ UNSW

It has really been 11 days since my last post :o

Well in the meantime I've discovered how to use a mute on my violin. It is SOGREAT to be able to jam away with all the crazy chords that I would be scared for anyone else to hear. I went to Uni today, it's O-Week. There was a guy trying to organize a string ensemble and people of every level to come and do tutorials with teachers. I talked to him a little and signed up to receive updates via email. I really would like to get a proper teacher sometime, or at least make my trips to see Amanda more regular.

The Unibuds stall appears to be functioning seamlessly. I hope it does well this year and we get lots of new adventurous members. There's a girl that I like... she graduated last year so I don't know what she's still doing here. Unibuds creates a sort of community like that, as long as you can remember everyone's names. That's my biggest problem and it is really embarrassing. I'm such an idiot, the perfect opportunity arose today to ask her out, we were passing by in the really big square and I just smiled, said hi and did my normal near-script like routine. I hate being so socially stupid.

I got really caught up today playing go at the UNSW go club stall. I played a 1 dan and lost by only 5 points fuck yeah! (11.5 points with komi). It was an even game so I'm minus 2... 2 KYU!!! Pretty incredible stuff :D Owen is our new president. I'm happy for him. It's probably one of the best clubs in that respect, very little organization required, maximum return. I suggested we have a drunk go tournament (lots of people play go drunk online).

Well most of today was spent STARVING! I wish I could have gotten lunch earlier, but I got swept up in things and now I feel all out of synch. Even with my usual speedy skills on the computer and reading I wasted over an hour looking at potential subject choices. I'm considering doing a combined major of mathematics and statistics in the science program (I'm dropping from Advanced science/arts, like I knew I would) but it requires me to attend university during first session as well as second and I don't like that idea one bit. It would look killer on my CV but not worth the effort. I would prefer to do a full semester's work next session, and I would get to study Dynamical Systems and Chaos with Peter Brown XD!!! My final choice of subject is a little more difficult, it has to be a higher level maths subject but that's hard because I only have a few options open to me, and even fewer are appealing. I can't take first level courses, I've already reached my maximum of 60 credits and they are prerequisites for any other second level science subjects that I might want to do. I can choose 2nd level computer science but I've had some bad experiences with them. Sooooooooooooo I may choose Finite Mathematics, it's only 3 credits and it's also taught by Peter Brown. Or I can do Fluids Oceans and Climates, or Optimization. I'm currently leaning toward Optimization, because it is a very VERY important subject area (why didn't I realize before! (kind of moments))!

Nobody understands me! It's weird but I still feel like they should.. These are common desires. Instead everyone seems distant and I probably seem equally distant to them. I wish I could blow it all off and live in my own little created world where there is none of the stress and social constraints. Feels like human interactions are closer to a diplomatic affair. Wish I didn't have to be so stupid in EQ.

Action!

I can't believe I totally forgot to post some of the ACTION! Tonight I played soccer with dad, unfortunately last Sunday was rained out. There was this awesome guy there, Alister, at first he scolded me for not being brave enough to charge at a hurtling corner kick and a couple of other guys going for the same ball. I think I gave away a goal :s then I tried a little harder. It helped. Man am I tired now.

Dad has a new car, a Hyundai i30. It seems pretty good and high tech. The engine is a 1.6 L diesel with an injection system that keeps the pressure equalized between each pipe leading in, this makes it very efficient. I am happy to be riding in a space car. It's even a bright red color!

The most exciting thing I've done all week was Lun's 21st Birthday Party!!! I got to meet all of his friends and they were /awesome/! Somehow exciting people seem to congregate around Lun. I didn't know anyone until Alex, Lun's cousin came along. We made fun of him for looking like Jackie Chan. I made him say Kaspersky :))) Grahghghghgh I otherwise learned that I am very much out of touch with talking to people... (even when they're being super happy social) lol, a little bit here and there and I'll be good as new. These holidays are long.
We went bowling first in the ridiculously loud bowling alley. I'm proud to announce that I scored exactly 100 points! lol nearly everyone else did even better than that. Joan scored 115! Gordon and Heyi were like pros. Alvin and Alan had their own little contest and Lun did okay too. The only person I'm forgetting is Hugh, who continuously amazed by hitting every pin but the first :P
Pancakes on the Rocks @ Darling Harbour was okay. I wish I could try Joan's drink again, it was cosmic. Instead I had an ice mocha and got a taste of a Bloody Mary, which is like Tomato juice and pepper.
I also got to finally meet up with Lun's gf Jess. She was really quiet, now I know why they get on so well lol. jk!
t'was a great night.

Angel's Game

I shouldn't be fighting my active mind at night time. My regular sleeping pattern has pushed itself back to around 2:30. Last night I tried to get to sleep at a reasonable time, 1:40 and failed massively. I didn't even get a very good sleep. I should have been writing. Instead I lay in bed and thought of all the different combinations in go and actually found myself thinking about Angel's Game. It's about time I started a review on it.

SPOILERS












Angel's Game is the second of Carlos Ruiz Zafon's books. I must agree with the blurb, it is a 'worthy successor' to Shadow of the Wind. However, I don't recognize it as a masterpiece. In fact it's forgettable. That's maybe why I haven't had the urge to write this review.
The story is a little carefree in it's final stage of development. The curse of his house and the voodoo that staves off death resolved very simply. Instead of having a true side story about Salvadore and his love for DM's wife Zafon transforms the entire story into a side-effect of the original that was never told. That Andreas Corelli can't be said to have existed and the MC's madness never having a resolution that could have contributed to the MC's personal development seemed like major cop-outs.
The story was exciting but ultimately disappointing. I expected so much from it. It built itself up to a long anti-climax. BUT! The walkthrough format of the book made me think of unrelated things, concerning life, in great detail. That's the real beauty of this book. The language is so flowery that sometimes you can't continue to suspend disbelief and instead your mind ends up wondering alone on it's own journey of apprehension.
I didn't love this book, maybe I'm getting old.

Judging from everyone's twittering, they did not have a good day. Luckily I had an awesome time today. I washed the dishes as soon as I woke up at around 12 (sleep is important), which is okay since i went to bed at 2. Then my big brain academy yielded a score of 1332g, my best so far. I played a whole lot of violin and seem to have easily mastered the final song in my 1st grade book. I need to get my 2nd and technical books back from toukley :( But now I also have Baroque violinist, a book of classical music that's at about my level. It even has an accompanying piano part for my Aunt to play next time we jam.

Today I also took Rusty for a walk, after beating a 3k in go (by 39.5 points (3 handicap stones)). I think I should be 4k by now!!! I'll probably be 5k tomorrow though, once the rating system updates. Other than that I spent the day reading Arthur C. Clarke's 2010 Odyssey 2, Newton's sleep by O'Reilly and B.Ichi vol 1 by Atsushi Ookubo.

I'm ready to start writing again.

Why so serious???

I'm still tired, last night's set of dreams were really crazy. Someone asked me to give them a rundown of the storyline attached to Eden. Instead I started dreaming (while telling the story) of Isabella from Angel's Game as a fire element user and me / some guy upon whom was bestowed all 4 elements by gigantic creatures / summon spirits. The weird thing about this is that I fully believed that the story I was telling existed in some medium irl.

I went out last night and met a bunch of new people. The only two I really knew were Lun and Alex but I got along fine with everyone. I hate this feeling though. Let me explain.
On the way to the meeting place, walking down from Town Hall to Darling Harbour I had to force my face not to be contorted into bad emotions. I think I'm afraid of being around other people. Then when I am surrounded by total strangers I have masses of fun. We went bowling and I talked a whole bunch to Alan. It's a bit like waking up. You have this morning haze where you don't know what to say but he was really nice and kept asking questions like what I studied and what it was like, why I liked it etc. And I realize half way through that I haven't asked him anything. So I gradually get used to conversation again.
But now, afterward I feel like I'm starting to regret the way I acted all throughout last night. As if I've done something wrong by being excited and not so serious. I don't even realize that's what I'm doing for most of the time until I do.
Then it hits me, the self loathing of realization that I've done something that I fear and that I still fear it.

This post included.

Confessions of a Shopaholic

SPOILERS






I had a blast reading this book. Partly because the MC's unstoppable train of thought was absolutely hilarious, it's exactly what I think of those people who get suckered in by advertisements. For example she loves the word "SALE" and goes absolutely crazy whenever she sees it at a store she likes, but hates it when they plaster the word all over the shiny bags that you get when you buy clothes there (the entire story she's obsessed with clothes) because it makes you look cheap. Personally I love looking cheap, I was beaming when I said "I'll take the cheaper one." to the guy at the music store while buying my violin chin-rest. This was after he had told me that kun is made in belgium or somewhere and the chinrest I bought was made in China (my violin is also chinese made, so they go together...). So the entire book has this insane obsession with clothes and money the entire way through.
Strangely enough that makes the MC so endearing! She's trapped in this spiral of consumerism. The style of writing is quite good for this effect too. It's all short sentences with a lot of action that moves the story along and although you're reading it you're thinking that she's got her mind in action at 100miles a minute, well so is yours. It draws you through and puts you into her mindset excellently.
Then there's the real world element of the story. She's a financial journalist, I know, lol. And she's pretty good at her job. Her personal finances aren't in order, however. The contrast of these two and especially the amount of acting that she has to do in order to cover this oversight on the part of her peers is phenomenal. Everything is so tense! And it's all focused on the facade (which is no mere coincidence). There's some real world conflict too, a type of scam within the financial realm that's very similar looking to much of the crap companies try to pull irl. So along the way the MC matures even though she never really solves her problem of running from every shred of conscience she has left. It's incredible how roundabout her mind is, and ENJOYABLE!
I really do have to recommend that you read it for yourself, I can't possibly give enough info here. I can't wait to read vol. 2.

fkn COSMIC

I finished reading every calvin and hobbes recently lol.

Today when I woke up Rage was playing these really cosmic songs, so space age. I'm in that kind of mood today. I think I need to offset it with coffee.

Thursday night I watched these two go players, High55(6D) and coolbabe(5D) battle it out for over 6 hours of continuous play. Eventually coolbabe broke High55's streak of 25 games, the final score was something like 27-3. Since then I've been so involved with go and actually getting emotional when things don't go my way. In some respects that's a good thing for me, who is usually delusional scientific. In fact I noticed it again while I was watching Torchwood Children of Earth, I was so riled up when the govt started taking children away even though it was only fiction. Pretty epic heartbreaking story when you watch it from Jack's persp.

Now what I'm really here to do: Book reviews.

I finished reading "Angel's Game" by Carlos Ruiz Zafon on Thursday and "Confessions of A Shopaholic" by Sophie Kinsella on Friday. They were both excellent novels, I'm just grateful that I don't have to wait years for the next shopaholic book (I just need to be able to FIND it!!!). Whereas Carlos Ruiz Zafon probably won't put out a new book for two years.... oh the sad.

I'll give a spoiler post later. I don't feel like it right now :P

Primordial soup, yum

I've been watching tv from 7:30pm non-stop d'oh. Before that I was able to beat a 2k in go (4 handicap stones to me). So maybe I've recovered a little in the time that I've spent online today but I'm still suffering the effects of playing soccer on Sunday with Dad & the guys. Time passes by very quickly when your legs feel like jelly and it's a physical barrier you have to push through to stand up. So I don't, I just sit there and wait for the muted ads to finish. I jarred my ankle for an instant during the game. I stopped the ball from leaving the goal area in the process of doing so, but now there's a very strange and difficult to stretch region down the back of my calf that I am really worried will strain if I do anything too laborious.

I have been listening to a lot of classical music recently, Beethoven in particular. I want Mozart! I need the basis of mathematical musical structure before I can listen to this complicated stuff!!! I'm strongly considering borrowing the Harpsichord cd from the library so I don't have to deal with the changes in volume too while I'm learning how to understand all this stuff!

Last night was so strange, ever since I have played spore I've been longing for tribal nights, primordial screams and a starry night sky... that game gets into your head. It's so exciting to feel that there is so much stuff still yet to learn, instead of the strict doctrine that your own reasoning develops independently of your choosing. So I picked up the maths texts on Spherical trigonometry just to have something new and exciting.

I love reading Angel's Game by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. The book is undoubtedly a masterpiece, the language proves it so. And the content is amazing. Part is like reading a flexible thought process like a discussion with oneself on high-brow stuff whereas the other (greater) part is the storyline, and gradually you begin to see how absolutely inseparable the two are. Like a logic borne of passion.