Why so serious???

I'm still tired, last night's set of dreams were really crazy. Someone asked me to give them a rundown of the storyline attached to Eden. Instead I started dreaming (while telling the story) of Isabella from Angel's Game as a fire element user and me / some guy upon whom was bestowed all 4 elements by gigantic creatures / summon spirits. The weird thing about this is that I fully believed that the story I was telling existed in some medium irl.

I went out last night and met a bunch of new people. The only two I really knew were Lun and Alex but I got along fine with everyone. I hate this feeling though. Let me explain.
On the way to the meeting place, walking down from Town Hall to Darling Harbour I had to force my face not to be contorted into bad emotions. I think I'm afraid of being around other people. Then when I am surrounded by total strangers I have masses of fun. We went bowling and I talked a whole bunch to Alan. It's a bit like waking up. You have this morning haze where you don't know what to say but he was really nice and kept asking questions like what I studied and what it was like, why I liked it etc. And I realize half way through that I haven't asked him anything. So I gradually get used to conversation again.
But now, afterward I feel like I'm starting to regret the way I acted all throughout last night. As if I've done something wrong by being excited and not so serious. I don't even realize that's what I'm doing for most of the time until I do.
Then it hits me, the self loathing of realization that I've done something that I fear and that I still fear it.

This post included.