Shift

Today I arrived home from Melbourne, we went to Barney's funeral on Tuesday. Barney is the nickname I've always called my Grandfather. I can't imagine calling him anything else.

About a month ago I had lunch with Albert, just a friend, at Pancakes on the Rocks. I also ordered a coffee liqueur, tia maria coffee. It was very nice to be so slightly drunk and still buzzing for hours. As the effects of the coffee wore off I had said goodbye and was reading (unproductively) at the library. I looked out the glass wall at the park a distance away where all the kids were playing and at that moment fell in love with the world, that's what it felt like. I didn't understand what this meant at first, just a passing fancy, a twist of the tongue to explain that complicated emotion. I have learned since that it is so much more. The phrase seems to explain a higher dimension of feeling that I occasionally enter.

On the trip down I kept getting distracted by Jas playing The Big Bang Theory S2 on his laptop but even then the higher dimension was a thin membrane away, utterly unreachable until I could focus. It wasn't until Barney's funeral the next day that I slipped into that state again (partly as a refuge from the extremely indoctrinating church speeches). It was nice, and I began to think in words again.

The little party afterward was a blast; Erin, my other cousin finally looked at me like a human being; Adam was great as always; Mary, who I just met, made fun of me because my goal of becoming a teacher would require rural service - Mary was awesome, she had recently been to Iceland; Melissa got drunk quickly and somehow we started talking about the sims and video games with David, who's into FPS; there was some initial talk about Barney's life that I had never previously been privy to; and some of Ben's primary school friends were there badmouthing whichever church owned the school.

I had already recovered from the news of his death. I realized after a little time that I only felt the duty of sadness. It morphs easily into support for my mother. Whether that little tick that made my left eye water on the day was some repressed subconscious trying to get out I don't know.

Wednesday was awesome fun. I haven't been out clothes shopping in ages and not since a quantum leap in my critical abilities. I didn't buy any (of that damn mass produced expensive) clothing, but I did have some very nice chats with a few shopkeepers. AAAND I FOUND A GO BOARD! A magnetic go board!!! So happy about that. Now I can review my games in the peace of my own room and experiment with the stones. I guess you can say I'm very close to social recovery.

Uhh, so now the stuff that is fresh in my mind. Today on the drive home I could barely see in the morning brightness and hence gave a lot of thought to my vampire story. Do you think they would trust a human to mobilize their coffins? What sort of human would that have to be? I think that if he/she won't explore the world of Vampires him/herself then there must exist a trust of the Vampire's intelligence and record keeping abilities, or else he/she's losing valuable information in the history of the world. Else maybe he/she doesn't care and wants the money. It's hard to believe, but also a shortcut option that may add some needed realism. Can they survive by stepping around sunbeams in their home at first, looking for cracks in the window blinds? Can they go out fully clothed? They would have to wear sunglasses. Ultimately I want to write in some of my own myopic pain.

When I could see outside again I noticed a few signs and things. "We Buy Metal" and "The Poets Recall Hotel" were two of my favorite. The burnt and rotted tips of trees rose out of the brown grass like the mast of a shipwreck, swallowed in the grass and yes, the majority of that extensive root network is hidden from view and being sapped away into the soil. The road reflects until on those high banking curves the railing melds with the blacktop and you're chasing a mirror dimension. These were some of my thoughts. I am seeing the world in a different view. I'm eager to see how it evolves.