It couldn't last, could it? Nothing has changed but my outlook. Suddenly my mind does not understand 'lets go out and have fun' with other people. Instead I want to stay home and crawl up into a little corner.
I am majorly confused with all of my newest relationships. The easiest to understand is the most devious and simultaneously annoying. I misunderstood something last time we met and the entire elaborate structure collapsed into a pile of rubble, then collapsed further by elementary reactions into some sort of mush like a cooking experiment gone wrong. Somehow I still believe in it, that it could work so ridiculously easily. What should I do about it? I may even be seeing the person today.
I don't know whether I've stated this before. Hope is my least favorite emotion of all time. It's like a puff of air so immaterial and yet drives everyone to do the stupidest things. I learned this the hard way.
False hope is even worse unless you know that it is false hope, in which case it becomes like a drug where you know the detrimental effects already like smoking.
Enough angsting! I have decided that I will be getting a new short haircut! I love having long hair. It's a hassle but it looks way cool. I don't know how girls manage to grow it so long and keep it that way. So I've decided that I don't actually care about devilish good looks and will be getting it cut off as soon as the sky clears and it turns into scorching heat, in about 3-4 days I expect.
NaNo post to follow :3
Monday, November 29, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
A social life!?
I can't believe what is happening to me. Since when did I become even minorly popular. It's not like I have the same sort of social life as most other people, like my little sister, social butterfly that she is, but I'm meeting so many new people and right at the time when I have no time!
It's exam period. I have to ration what I do with a heavy dose of studying every day. Although the past two nights I have spent watching tv (tonight) and reading teh atlas (last night) obsessively almost for 5 hours. I spent this afternoon reading through an HSC text, English Canon I think it is called and this morning playing Dwarf Fortress after the trader gave me a bad deal and I ragequit the game that I had been playing. I had a poorly laid out fortress that was virtually impossible to defend but was successfully making adamantium goods.
Meanwhile I'm meant to be writing my novel. It has been going really well so far. I've come to terms with a lot of the 'don'ts' of NaNoWriMo very quickly - most of them are just remembered. So now I'm moving on to a seriously structured story.
What does that have to do with a social life?... well, I've met so many writers through NaNoWriMo and have been wanting so much to just spend hours chatting with some of them. I even had a dream about one, but I'll leave that as a secret so I don't frighten him/her. I may even tell the person. It should be considered an honor to be promoted to figment of my imagination! (and real life human too :P)
On top of that I have met so many wonderful people this year at university. I mean, there are only really a small number but they are so nice and full of character that it's impossible to belittle any. I need to keep in contact is what the little voice in my head is telling me.
It's exam period. I have to ration what I do with a heavy dose of studying every day. Although the past two nights I have spent watching tv (tonight) and reading teh atlas (last night) obsessively almost for 5 hours. I spent this afternoon reading through an HSC text, English Canon I think it is called and this morning playing Dwarf Fortress after the trader gave me a bad deal and I ragequit the game that I had been playing. I had a poorly laid out fortress that was virtually impossible to defend but was successfully making adamantium goods.
Meanwhile I'm meant to be writing my novel. It has been going really well so far. I've come to terms with a lot of the 'don'ts' of NaNoWriMo very quickly - most of them are just remembered. So now I'm moving on to a seriously structured story.
What does that have to do with a social life?... well, I've met so many writers through NaNoWriMo and have been wanting so much to just spend hours chatting with some of them. I even had a dream about one, but I'll leave that as a secret so I don't frighten him/her. I may even tell the person. It should be considered an honor to be promoted to figment of my imagination! (and real life human too :P)
On top of that I have met so many wonderful people this year at university. I mean, there are only really a small number but they are so nice and full of character that it's impossible to belittle any. I need to keep in contact is what the little voice in my head is telling me.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
it begins...
So yesterday I met 2 lovely new Nanoers, Elle and Andrew. I had coffee at the coffee club between Hyde park and Town Hall station with them and Nick. I complained about the price of coffee, $4.80 for a (well made) large cappuccino, and they said it was normal lol. Usually I bring my coffee to uni with me cold and black in a hip flask, for about 10 cents for coffee twice as strong and almost certainly unburnt. It was a nice change of pace from playing Dwarf Fortress all day. It started raining too, a really nice spring rain in amidst the crazy stormy weather we've been having.
I'm now lots more excited about NaNoWriMo. I was forced to plan a lot last night, with the pressure of other writers surrounding me. It was very productive and I now have some idea about the plot (for the main story - I'm going to do a bunch of short stories as well and see how far I can get in just 16.5 days). I don't want to reveal it here, but at least Nick approved of my main character that I'm the least sure about.
Andrew turns out to be a Science (Maths and Computer Science) graduate, so it was great learning about his life outside of uni. He's only been out and about for a year. He's a Doctor Who fan, like myself. I even explained how I'd love it if the companion were to be irrevocably changed by the Doctor's putting her into danger. That of course conflicts with the episodic nature of the show, but it's a great story idea. It creates a story arc like many superhero comics. Anyway, it's super cool to sit around in a cafe with similarly socially defective people. Whenever we didn't feel like talking we bunkered down and wrote as much as we could on the story. For once I felt like I fit in even though the waitress seemed very confused by it all.
I was on the train ride home and some old chinese woman noticed me making origami. I gave her 4 little folded pieces to take home. She was fairly happy about it, but I couldn't make any more than that in the time... All my origami is very complicated, so since learning that I've been searching for some more pieces I can do almost as a performance art. It helps to have someone looking on your work as an objective viewpoint, even if it is only an old chinese lady on the train.
Today has been very windy. I don't like windy days.
I'm now lots more excited about NaNoWriMo. I was forced to plan a lot last night, with the pressure of other writers surrounding me. It was very productive and I now have some idea about the plot (for the main story - I'm going to do a bunch of short stories as well and see how far I can get in just 16.5 days). I don't want to reveal it here, but at least Nick approved of my main character that I'm the least sure about.
Andrew turns out to be a Science (Maths and Computer Science) graduate, so it was great learning about his life outside of uni. He's only been out and about for a year. He's a Doctor Who fan, like myself. I even explained how I'd love it if the companion were to be irrevocably changed by the Doctor's putting her into danger. That of course conflicts with the episodic nature of the show, but it's a great story idea. It creates a story arc like many superhero comics. Anyway, it's super cool to sit around in a cafe with similarly socially defective people. Whenever we didn't feel like talking we bunkered down and wrote as much as we could on the story. For once I felt like I fit in even though the waitress seemed very confused by it all.
I was on the train ride home and some old chinese woman noticed me making origami. I gave her 4 little folded pieces to take home. She was fairly happy about it, but I couldn't make any more than that in the time... All my origami is very complicated, so since learning that I've been searching for some more pieces I can do almost as a performance art. It helps to have someone looking on your work as an objective viewpoint, even if it is only an old chinese lady on the train.
Today has been very windy. I don't like windy days.
Monday, October 4, 2010
deconstructing the rose
It is October, almost time for NaNoWriMo. I'm really looking forward to it. I don't have a plotted out story in mind yet but I'm sure it will be a good one. I have a feeling that the quality this year is going to be much higher than last. Then afterward (after a brief editing) I'll get started on the real stuff. Because NaNo this year coincides with graduation from university with a meager maths degree (i.e B Sci (Major in Maths)).
I found an origami rose in the park last Tuesday and have been trying to deconstruct it. I have restricted myself from peeking at the fold pattern and hence it is a very challenging game. Yesterday I came so close. There are a lot of basic folds on the outside, I just don't know how to twist it into shape. The flaps that are meant to form have not yet made themselves apparent. I'll keep trying, but maybe I should be doing my homework first.
I have two assignments, Dynamics and Quantitative Risk. They are both kind of simple. Quantitative Risk I will probably spend a lot of today doing, because yes it has answers, but they have to be explained in a choosy way and I take ages to choose anything. Dynamics just has answers. Wrong or right.
Yes I know I have problems interacting with people. Last Thursday I had dinner with the Unibuds Decoration department at JL's apartment. It was so much fun and I even flirted a little with the girl that I like. It's a little bit unfortunate that she is a graduate with honors and I'm still studying. I even had this conversation with a friend last weekend. Once I finish uni and get a job I know I'll be a whole lot more confident and have a more active social life. I'm still paralyzed mostly by how horrible relationships can turn out, and what people might think of me if I even suggest dating. And btw I suck at dating. I never know what to do.
no time even for this.
Smoke me a Kipper, can you do that?
I found an origami rose in the park last Tuesday and have been trying to deconstruct it. I have restricted myself from peeking at the fold pattern and hence it is a very challenging game. Yesterday I came so close. There are a lot of basic folds on the outside, I just don't know how to twist it into shape. The flaps that are meant to form have not yet made themselves apparent. I'll keep trying, but maybe I should be doing my homework first.
I have two assignments, Dynamics and Quantitative Risk. They are both kind of simple. Quantitative Risk I will probably spend a lot of today doing, because yes it has answers, but they have to be explained in a choosy way and I take ages to choose anything. Dynamics just has answers. Wrong or right.
Yes I know I have problems interacting with people. Last Thursday I had dinner with the Unibuds Decoration department at JL's apartment. It was so much fun and I even flirted a little with the girl that I like. It's a little bit unfortunate that she is a graduate with honors and I'm still studying. I even had this conversation with a friend last weekend. Once I finish uni and get a job I know I'll be a whole lot more confident and have a more active social life. I'm still paralyzed mostly by how horrible relationships can turn out, and what people might think of me if I even suggest dating. And btw I suck at dating. I never know what to do.
no time even for this.
Smoke me a Kipper, can you do that?
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I am confuxed
Why oh why do I have to choose now to mull over the BIG questions in my mind, such as what are my goals, why are other people the way they are, what am I going to do after I leave uni, what should I take away from all this Maths???? It is becoming more and more amazing the deeper I get into it, and yet there is absolutely no time to study anything in detail.
It's partly because I have a speech tomorrow. I have no idea what my buddy is going to say, and I'm even more perplexed because our speech is meant to be mathematically based and yet it contains no maths. No equations, no graphs, nothing. My buddy is absolutely certain about his side of the topic but we're missing the entire point.
I just want to play. These are way too many pressures to put onto a 21yo.
It's partly because I have a speech tomorrow. I have no idea what my buddy is going to say, and I'm even more perplexed because our speech is meant to be mathematically based and yet it contains no maths. No equations, no graphs, nothing. My buddy is absolutely certain about his side of the topic but we're missing the entire point.
I just want to play. These are way too many pressures to put onto a 21yo.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
serious fears
I've had some time to think, while I was wondering around the suburbs north of Lewisham looking for the Aboriginal art exhibition last night. I'm ashamed to admit that I misread the address and spent the night looking for Leichardt St, Leichardt (note that there is a Balmain St in Balmain just one imaginary suburb line away). Um, besides looking around actively for place names I was also partly withdrawn into my head thinking deeply about my poor social skills. I second guess everything that I do and everything that other people do around me. I can't hold a persons stare when they are just walking down the street, although I usually prefer a lot of eye contact while conversing because I can read so much more from people's eyes than body movements... TMI? I'm going to stop the details right there.
It is a serious problem. It's the source of a lot of anguish for me, because mentally I can't get close to anyone without hurting myself through this tirade of second guessing and feeling like an idiot. I long for the day when I can overcome those anxieties and stop being so hard on myself.
I have previously had occasion when this sort of cycle doesn't even start. I am left during those times with a big question, am I really being me? I want to do the best that I can and as soon as I start to analyze the situation in which I am socially more able the feeling I get is familiar and comfortable. I need this scorn because it is part of me and pushes me to be better. Nevertheless I don't get any enjoyment out of speaking to anyone anymore. It's like we operate on completely different wavelengths. I'm the only one tuned in to this station, and instead of seeing similarities (which are usually quite shallow) all I can see in people are major differences, neither good nor bad things but incompatible.
Something's wrong.
It is a serious problem. It's the source of a lot of anguish for me, because mentally I can't get close to anyone without hurting myself through this tirade of second guessing and feeling like an idiot. I long for the day when I can overcome those anxieties and stop being so hard on myself.
I have previously had occasion when this sort of cycle doesn't even start. I am left during those times with a big question, am I really being me? I want to do the best that I can and as soon as I start to analyze the situation in which I am socially more able the feeling I get is familiar and comfortable. I need this scorn because it is part of me and pushes me to be better. Nevertheless I don't get any enjoyment out of speaking to anyone anymore. It's like we operate on completely different wavelengths. I'm the only one tuned in to this station, and instead of seeing similarities (which are usually quite shallow) all I can see in people are major differences, neither good nor bad things but incompatible.
Something's wrong.
Friday, September 17, 2010
University content
SOooo I have been reading a book called "Traders, Guns and Money" about the world of derivatives and the system of banking / stock markets etc. It complements my course on Quantitative Risk but I'm struggling. The entire subject is so convoluted, like learning english, except that this time there are meant to be some rules. We're still dealing with numbers aren't we? I'm not sure anymore.
I would like to instead spend time doing silly integration exercises for my Complex Analysis course and just to remind myself of all the things I've forgotten. At some point I'll have to face up to this weird quality of having a bad memory. Things just get pushed out after all the information I absorb on a day to day basis. Hopefully I'll be able to sustain it with exercises until the end of session, when I am due to graduate. At least now I have a little time and the motivation to complete all my assignments early.
I'm really enjoying my free time, listening to FBI radio. I find it difficult to distinguish between each of the electronic songs but I'm getting used to them. Writing down the song titles and listening proactively to where it came from helps enormously.
Today I waited until about 12:30 to have my first coffee of the day. I am pretty pathetic in that I can't go very long without one. I am going to give tea a try, since coffee seems to make me sleepy by about 1300-1400 each day. Monkeys (most mammals actually) take naps in the middle of the day in order to stay alert until the night time. It would have been best if I just stuck to my schedule. Instead I tried this during the holidays and totally screwed with my sleeping patterns.
There is an art gallery exhibition next week, Wednesday is the opening night but the exhibition really starts on the Tuesday. Ken volunteers for Amnesty International and he has organized a lot of it. Hopefully my dad will also be able to come. The theme is something from the declaration of rights of indigenous peoples, or something, and an artwork from each student about that. Even though the students are not all indigenous they have done it in the style of Aboriginal art. I love the type of abstract symbolism used by aboriginals, their depiction of river systems is the most natural form I have ever known. Using little dabs of paint on the ends of sticks they create wonderfully flowing dreamlike paintings. I have attempted a little to make some similar styled pieces myself, but there are many nuances that I notice each time I try to mimic. Their blending of color is rare but quite incredible and detailed even though it looks like a blur (as good blending should).
I would like to instead spend time doing silly integration exercises for my Complex Analysis course and just to remind myself of all the things I've forgotten. At some point I'll have to face up to this weird quality of having a bad memory. Things just get pushed out after all the information I absorb on a day to day basis. Hopefully I'll be able to sustain it with exercises until the end of session, when I am due to graduate. At least now I have a little time and the motivation to complete all my assignments early.
I'm really enjoying my free time, listening to FBI radio. I find it difficult to distinguish between each of the electronic songs but I'm getting used to them. Writing down the song titles and listening proactively to where it came from helps enormously.
Today I waited until about 12:30 to have my first coffee of the day. I am pretty pathetic in that I can't go very long without one. I am going to give tea a try, since coffee seems to make me sleepy by about 1300-1400 each day. Monkeys (most mammals actually) take naps in the middle of the day in order to stay alert until the night time. It would have been best if I just stuck to my schedule. Instead I tried this during the holidays and totally screwed with my sleeping patterns.
There is an art gallery exhibition next week, Wednesday is the opening night but the exhibition really starts on the Tuesday. Ken volunteers for Amnesty International and he has organized a lot of it. Hopefully my dad will also be able to come. The theme is something from the declaration of rights of indigenous peoples, or something, and an artwork from each student about that. Even though the students are not all indigenous they have done it in the style of Aboriginal art. I love the type of abstract symbolism used by aboriginals, their depiction of river systems is the most natural form I have ever known. Using little dabs of paint on the ends of sticks they create wonderfully flowing dreamlike paintings. I have attempted a little to make some similar styled pieces myself, but there are many nuances that I notice each time I try to mimic. Their blending of color is rare but quite incredible and detailed even though it looks like a blur (as good blending should).
Thursday, September 16, 2010
temporary tattoos
I applied a temporary tattoo to my arm today. It was a silly thing to do since I wore my heavy coat and nobody saw it. I'm hoping to show it off at least for a short time today at dinner. Ken and Judith have invited me over, Margaret will be there too. I was so happy when I discovered this little booklet of really cool little tattoo designs in a little store in Campsie. They bring back childhood memories, except that this time instead of applying little crazy faces or australian flags to my face and body (boy the neck and cheek was a mistake you only make once) I have a range of flowers, butterflies, and abstract designs to choose from!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Subwoofer Train
Today I went into uni really early. The train was packed so I hopped on the first carriage. Some loud mouthed young boys with rat tails were looking in at the driver, "Cool, I can see the tracks." Said one. In retrospect they had a good reason for peeping in. We rode in silence, the boys had left. The only sound was the faint electronica of the driver's favorite radio station muffled by the door. The song changed to some really girly RnB and the driver started singing along with it! He drowned out the lead female vocalist, rhianna or someone, I think the song was something about being high... The weirdest thing though, was that I was the only person in the standing carriage that smiled. I couldn't stop my mind from running ahead, that bus driver must moonlight as the subwoofer train, you can hear it coming by the faint doof doof radiating from the tracks for kilometers ahead.
Social phobia reared it's head again today. I couldn't talk properly to Elaine, she is always sitting with Steven, who I know is a good guy but the problem is he hardly ever smiles. So every time I talk to either of them I feel like I'm being judged, which makes it even more likely (I can feel my face contorting involuntarily into little creases of worry). It doesn't help that I get no time to speak with either of them during class. Maybe I should tag along with them after class next time, I don't know. Anyway I learned that she volunteers for FBI radio! So cool! To be able to meet all the faces behind the voices would be epic.
Umm, I've been listening to Beach House recently. They were recommended to me several months ago by the guy at JB Hi Fi, along with a bunch of other bands. For some reason I kept forgetting their name but a quick clean of my room on the weekend overturned the tiny slip of paper he had written on. They are really good, definitely not the most experimental but pleasant to listen to and some of the best indie artists I've heard. Check em out! They're on YouTube obviously!
Social phobia reared it's head again today. I couldn't talk properly to Elaine, she is always sitting with Steven, who I know is a good guy but the problem is he hardly ever smiles. So every time I talk to either of them I feel like I'm being judged, which makes it even more likely (I can feel my face contorting involuntarily into little creases of worry). It doesn't help that I get no time to speak with either of them during class. Maybe I should tag along with them after class next time, I don't know. Anyway I learned that she volunteers for FBI radio! So cool! To be able to meet all the faces behind the voices would be epic.
Umm, I've been listening to Beach House recently. They were recommended to me several months ago by the guy at JB Hi Fi, along with a bunch of other bands. For some reason I kept forgetting their name but a quick clean of my room on the weekend overturned the tiny slip of paper he had written on. They are really good, definitely not the most experimental but pleasant to listen to and some of the best indie artists I've heard. Check em out! They're on YouTube obviously!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Likes, interests?
Dear diary, upon which I spew stories to become internet trash the moment they are published. How are you? You look stunning in that new design. Don't listen to what those other sites are saying about you. They are just trying to fit in.
Today I saw Salt at Hurstville Cinema. It tickles, to say the least. There are many aspects that fit the standard formula for an action movie, including the 'don't know how to aim' shooting scenes, and ridiculously high suspense building. The story is a little different. You can't trust the main character (and only really keen readers will be able to glean a spoiler from that statement).
I signed on to facebook the other day, nothing much happens there except for the really active facebook users and they are uninteresting because they spend all their time online. It made me appreciate how much I prefer my blog.
One of the things I couldn't bring myself to complete was listing all my favorite movies, tv shows, books, music and interests. Seriously, anyone who wants to find out about me can just ask... Otherwise I'm just adding to a bunch of unreliable statistics. They are the things I should be yelling about in blog form!
kind regards,
- Michael
Today I saw Salt at Hurstville Cinema. It tickles, to say the least. There are many aspects that fit the standard formula for an action movie, including the 'don't know how to aim' shooting scenes, and ridiculously high suspense building. The story is a little different. You can't trust the main character (and only really keen readers will be able to glean a spoiler from that statement).
I signed on to facebook the other day, nothing much happens there except for the really active facebook users and they are uninteresting because they spend all their time online. It made me appreciate how much I prefer my blog.
One of the things I couldn't bring myself to complete was listing all my favorite movies, tv shows, books, music and interests. Seriously, anyone who wants to find out about me can just ask... Otherwise I'm just adding to a bunch of unreliable statistics. They are the things I should be yelling about in blog form!
kind regards,
- Michael
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Double party weekend
The last two nights have been spent socializing at my little sister's 18th birthday parties. There were two of them one for each side of the family.
I somehow got through my first party, where I had to avoid the person from whom I was sitting directly opposite. That was not difficult, I am a master at tolerance of that sort. I'm being mean here but I don't care if she was unnerved by that ability or not, I assume she did the same. I spent the night talking to my cousins mainly. Hehe, even the little one thought I was funny when I was drunk (I have a much more loose usage of this term - I had 3 drinks and was already starting to slur my words). I may have even gotten some of them interested in go.
I held the camera for a lot of the night. I need to learn to take more pictures and have a lot of throw-aways. Trying to get the best shot does not always work out well if it blurs for example. Grandad had a lot to say about his work (philosophy), which I listened to rapt. The subject matter is so much more interesting that his previous projects. He is investigating the idea that everything is interconnected from the point of view of western philosophy. It is a very old idea that never was given much attention. Basically the greeks had a god for it, Gaia.
The second party was last night, my mother's shindig at home. Some of the guys and girls there (direct friends of my sister) are very immature party types. I was glad to have a buddy I could rely on while I was there. Albert and I went into my room and played music, there is especially one song UMO by OOIOO with such a funny video clip we couldn't stop laughing for minutes after the song. I drank only spirits, even though I was looking forward to a night of wine but that's not possible with my sister's friends around.. A bit of it is still in my system and I can't think straight. I am not extroverted, and am still drained from last night. Alcohol is a silly thing, although I do appreciate being able to speak more freely and not be so stressed about saying and doing the right things the conversation is very much diminished. I prefer the opposite side of things, coffee highs will make you speak really quickly and usually coherently. We had horrible music, with excessive bass. I couldn't recognize barely any of the songs my sister had chosen. I was a little surprised because her taste in music is good.
The cake was beautiful. The speeches were a continuous stream of laughter and claps at the expense of some people's dignity.
I guess I learned a lot about how to behave at parties, but it doesn't make me appreciate them any more. I probably would have preferred to go to Bodhi Nite Thank You dinner hosted by the executive commitee, at least then I could have played around (verbally!) with the girl that I like.
The most important part of being all grown up is being able to choose your friends...
I somehow got through my first party, where I had to avoid the person from whom I was sitting directly opposite. That was not difficult, I am a master at tolerance of that sort. I'm being mean here but I don't care if she was unnerved by that ability or not, I assume she did the same. I spent the night talking to my cousins mainly. Hehe, even the little one thought I was funny when I was drunk (I have a much more loose usage of this term - I had 3 drinks and was already starting to slur my words). I may have even gotten some of them interested in go.
I held the camera for a lot of the night. I need to learn to take more pictures and have a lot of throw-aways. Trying to get the best shot does not always work out well if it blurs for example. Grandad had a lot to say about his work (philosophy), which I listened to rapt. The subject matter is so much more interesting that his previous projects. He is investigating the idea that everything is interconnected from the point of view of western philosophy. It is a very old idea that never was given much attention. Basically the greeks had a god for it, Gaia.
The second party was last night, my mother's shindig at home. Some of the guys and girls there (direct friends of my sister) are very immature party types. I was glad to have a buddy I could rely on while I was there. Albert and I went into my room and played music, there is especially one song UMO by OOIOO with such a funny video clip we couldn't stop laughing for minutes after the song. I drank only spirits, even though I was looking forward to a night of wine but that's not possible with my sister's friends around.. A bit of it is still in my system and I can't think straight. I am not extroverted, and am still drained from last night. Alcohol is a silly thing, although I do appreciate being able to speak more freely and not be so stressed about saying and doing the right things the conversation is very much diminished. I prefer the opposite side of things, coffee highs will make you speak really quickly and usually coherently. We had horrible music, with excessive bass. I couldn't recognize barely any of the songs my sister had chosen. I was a little surprised because her taste in music is good.
The cake was beautiful. The speeches were a continuous stream of laughter and claps at the expense of some people's dignity.
I guess I learned a lot about how to behave at parties, but it doesn't make me appreciate them any more. I probably would have preferred to go to Bodhi Nite Thank You dinner hosted by the executive commitee, at least then I could have played around (verbally!) with the girl that I like.
The most important part of being all grown up is being able to choose your friends...
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Unibuds Bodhi Nite
2010-08-28
I'm still dizzy from yesterday haha, no Dizzy is the (nick?) name of a guy in the buddhist society of unsw, Unibuds. Last night was their anniversary, they always put on a wonderful show with dhamma talks and choir songs. The show may only run from 7pm to 10:30, but there is a lot of preparation that goes into it. This year I came back as part of decoration department.
I was supposed to arrive at 9am, but some ill advised birdie force fed me alcohol last night! (actually the alcohol just went with the movie.. something about the rape of Nanking in b/w. The ending that I saw before going back upstairs to play SC). Then I played Star Craft until 2:30 am, with my brother watching me for the last hour or so. I kicked ass as both terran and zerg. I'm honing my terran skills because they are of course the race that I identify most with, and it's so much fun to live out my fantasies of every sci-fi book in the form of a human army.
I arrived at 11am, with lots of work to do. We pinned the gold cloth to the altar and arranged the buddha with flowers and candles around on top of it. I tended to get in the way most of the time, so I held back and let the girls do most of the work, even though they didn't know why I wasn't helping... argh miscommunication ho.
The funniest little drama happened half way through pinning the black cloth to the boards at the front of reception. We were using some of the gaffer tape and Jia Yin wanted to help. I was about to start tearing off strips from the roll of tape when she gave me a strange look 'what are you doing?' so I just gave her the entire roll of tape and figured I'd find some other way to help pin the cloth. She then, with one small piece of tape that I had torn off for her on her index finger, tore off another bigger piece and gave it to me!? We were both really confused. It was irresistibly cute and overwhelmingly awkward!
Everything looked nice, it was time to open the doors. I stood in front of the message board and offered people the pens to write messages. I met a guy called Victor in a white jacket with gold flower patterns, a long woolen scarf, fantastic beautiful wrinkles, and a camera. He was looking for interesting faces to take pictures of. He showed me a couple of convincing shots and told me to go to the state library for a photography competition that is being displayed there at the moment. I also met Mrs Lim, the wife of the founder of Unibuds. She was very nice to me. There were many other amazing people everywhere. All the while I couldn't help smiling (manaically?) I don't know how other people keep straight faces around so many other people... This is me exploring the boundaries of my social awkwardness.
Lillian, Adeline and Amy were there too, I met a guy called Jack again, we both knew eachother's faces but couldn't pin down where we had seen eachother before. Alex was helping out in catering as well, he asked me for 'innocent anime movies' and I just laughed at him ha ha ... ah. Julian (one of the only other white guys) on the piano told me about his family and how he had somehow managed to rope in 8 relatives to see the show.
I finally had a chance to get to know Ivy, one of the other members of Deco. Unfortunately Melody was practicing with choir all day and I barely had the chance to say hi... Melody is incredibly beautiful in a unique way. I like her lots. And that's all I'm willing to write in my blog about her!
After the great show, with some very inventive scripting and interjections from the little babies in the audience who laughed at all the right moments, we all went out to supper! At a place called Super Bowl (although the sign says Super Meal - the chinese speakers translate it directly from the chinese as bowl). I sat next to a senior member, Eugene, who had worked in commercial real estate. He taught me some chinese words (cantonese) that I should have known from regular interaction. Shi Ying joined us, everybody had a good attempt at eating the loads of food but we were already stuffed from the lovely cake and delicious tofu at dinner (6-7pm). It was already past midnight at this time. We took photos and made lots of noise while toasting with tea.
The night ride home was enjoyable. Nobody made too much noise, or were too crazy looking. I sat next to someone reading a book and read my own in quiet. My feet were killing me by the time I arrived home. It was nice wearing good clothes yesterday, but forgive me if I don't immediately jump back into them.
I'm still dizzy from yesterday haha, no Dizzy is the (nick?) name of a guy in the buddhist society of unsw, Unibuds. Last night was their anniversary, they always put on a wonderful show with dhamma talks and choir songs. The show may only run from 7pm to 10:30, but there is a lot of preparation that goes into it. This year I came back as part of decoration department.
I was supposed to arrive at 9am, but some ill advised birdie force fed me alcohol last night! (actually the alcohol just went with the movie.. something about the rape of Nanking in b/w. The ending that I saw before going back upstairs to play SC). Then I played Star Craft until 2:30 am, with my brother watching me for the last hour or so. I kicked ass as both terran and zerg. I'm honing my terran skills because they are of course the race that I identify most with, and it's so much fun to live out my fantasies of every sci-fi book in the form of a human army.
I arrived at 11am, with lots of work to do. We pinned the gold cloth to the altar and arranged the buddha with flowers and candles around on top of it. I tended to get in the way most of the time, so I held back and let the girls do most of the work, even though they didn't know why I wasn't helping... argh miscommunication ho.
The funniest little drama happened half way through pinning the black cloth to the boards at the front of reception. We were using some of the gaffer tape and Jia Yin wanted to help. I was about to start tearing off strips from the roll of tape when she gave me a strange look 'what are you doing?' so I just gave her the entire roll of tape and figured I'd find some other way to help pin the cloth. She then, with one small piece of tape that I had torn off for her on her index finger, tore off another bigger piece and gave it to me!? We were both really confused. It was irresistibly cute and overwhelmingly awkward!
Everything looked nice, it was time to open the doors. I stood in front of the message board and offered people the pens to write messages. I met a guy called Victor in a white jacket with gold flower patterns, a long woolen scarf, fantastic beautiful wrinkles, and a camera. He was looking for interesting faces to take pictures of. He showed me a couple of convincing shots and told me to go to the state library for a photography competition that is being displayed there at the moment. I also met Mrs Lim, the wife of the founder of Unibuds. She was very nice to me. There were many other amazing people everywhere. All the while I couldn't help smiling (manaically?) I don't know how other people keep straight faces around so many other people... This is me exploring the boundaries of my social awkwardness.
Lillian, Adeline and Amy were there too, I met a guy called Jack again, we both knew eachother's faces but couldn't pin down where we had seen eachother before. Alex was helping out in catering as well, he asked me for 'innocent anime movies' and I just laughed at him ha ha ... ah. Julian (one of the only other white guys) on the piano told me about his family and how he had somehow managed to rope in 8 relatives to see the show.
I finally had a chance to get to know Ivy, one of the other members of Deco. Unfortunately Melody was practicing with choir all day and I barely had the chance to say hi... Melody is incredibly beautiful in a unique way. I like her lots. And that's all I'm willing to write in my blog about her!
After the great show, with some very inventive scripting and interjections from the little babies in the audience who laughed at all the right moments, we all went out to supper! At a place called Super Bowl (although the sign says Super Meal - the chinese speakers translate it directly from the chinese as bowl). I sat next to a senior member, Eugene, who had worked in commercial real estate. He taught me some chinese words (cantonese) that I should have known from regular interaction. Shi Ying joined us, everybody had a good attempt at eating the loads of food but we were already stuffed from the lovely cake and delicious tofu at dinner (6-7pm). It was already past midnight at this time. We took photos and made lots of noise while toasting with tea.
The night ride home was enjoyable. Nobody made too much noise, or were too crazy looking. I sat next to someone reading a book and read my own in quiet. My feet were killing me by the time I arrived home. It was nice wearing good clothes yesterday, but forgive me if I don't immediately jump back into them.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Is it over? Can I open my eyes now?
I know Tommy Dean will join me in blind ignorance of the Australian Federal Election 2010. He said so at the special TGIF a few weeks ago. The only thing I noticed and love the thought of is that the seat of Melbourne is now secured by a greens candidate.
I made great coffee this morning (either or my body is craving it exceptionally this morning). I also have donuts, that could be a factor in the mix.
I am talking nonsense, let's start the blog post now.
Last night I drew a picture of a tree, with lots of branches. It looks stunning and is a tribute to the phrase 'practice makes perfect' wrt drawing. All I need to do now is drift further away from my anime-roots and start distinguishing people's faces and styles to make characters and be able to draw preliminary comics / stories, which I guess is where all of this is headed. I came up with a good idea last night. It's one of those things where the story all falls out simply by analysis. In this case I considered a personality type, that of the mathematician / ideologist (which is rare, since I kind of am one and usually the closest things go unnoticed) and something that a guest speaker at my Professional Issues and Ethics course said about them. They are notoriously poor at communication skills. In fact you could easily call anyone with that sort of one track mind 'stupid'... Aaaand I forget where the story goes from there :P That's probably for the best, it always feels a bit wrong when you tear a page (or chapter) out of your own book. Better to transform and rewrite the bits that you know.
Last night I discovered music blogs xD Compilations of rare music, stylistic things that don't sell, all the classics that I should learn by title and artist, etc. I wish we had the bandwidth to download some of them !! I wish I had the time to go out and buy some video games too!
I know Tommy Dean will join me in blind ignorance of the Australian Federal Election 2010. He said so at the special TGIF a few weeks ago. The only thing I noticed and love the thought of is that the seat of Melbourne is now secured by a greens candidate.
I made great coffee this morning (either or my body is craving it exceptionally this morning). I also have donuts, that could be a factor in the mix.
I am talking nonsense, let's start the blog post now.
Last night I drew a picture of a tree, with lots of branches. It looks stunning and is a tribute to the phrase 'practice makes perfect' wrt drawing. All I need to do now is drift further away from my anime-roots and start distinguishing people's faces and styles to make characters and be able to draw preliminary comics / stories, which I guess is where all of this is headed. I came up with a good idea last night. It's one of those things where the story all falls out simply by analysis. In this case I considered a personality type, that of the mathematician / ideologist (which is rare, since I kind of am one and usually the closest things go unnoticed) and something that a guest speaker at my Professional Issues and Ethics course said about them. They are notoriously poor at communication skills. In fact you could easily call anyone with that sort of one track mind 'stupid'... Aaaand I forget where the story goes from there :P That's probably for the best, it always feels a bit wrong when you tear a page (or chapter) out of your own book. Better to transform and rewrite the bits that you know.
Last night I discovered music blogs xD Compilations of rare music, stylistic things that don't sell, all the classics that I should learn by title and artist, etc. I wish we had the bandwidth to download some of them !! I wish I had the time to go out and buy some video games too!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Scribbler No.105891
The walls are closing in - scary walls with endlessly disturbing detail. The creative energies are swirling around with Terry Pratchett as my guide (the library brought in 3 more of his books that I haven't read - all discworld). I also constantly have my wacom tablet out and am drawing rigorously with that to see what sort of things I can make. My imagination when it comes to drawing things does not extend far, mainly because I don't see that many landscapes in most of the pictures I see from day to day, such as cartoons. They are all characters and obscure backgrounds like walls and doorways and the edge of a table. Really uninteresting. However I am thoroughly enjoying reading Bunny Reality over here
http://bunny.frozenreality.co.uk
and watching Invader Zim
I want to get the most out of that last burst of inspiration before university starts again.
One of the NaNo writers needs my support! She's not drinking alcohol throughout the entirety of July. I will email her now.
http://bunny.frozenreality.co.uk
and watching Invader Zim
I want to get the most out of that last burst of inspiration before university starts again.
One of the NaNo writers needs my support! She's not drinking alcohol throughout the entirety of July. I will email her now.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
a gem
I'm glad I dealt with drama before coming here to post. I could have accidentally turn this into a live journal by mistake!
Update: I've been reading webcomics, books, playing go, steeling myself for uni (which starts in under a month).
I played in the Go NSW state championship handicap division. I entered as a 2k, which is close to my actual rank, and played against opponents at 7k, 10k and 16k level. They all were given handicap stones so it was a difficult competition. Eventually I WON! bragging rights :D I even made a cool $100 out of it. Did I mention how much I love go? Well I love it even more now. Those games were incredibly tough and I had to reinvent my style to win. Since then it's been a rocky development period but I'm much stronger than I was before. It's like potential has been uncapped (not only in my playing ability but in my appreciation and understanding of the game).
Yeah, there was some drama at my dad's house recently (and with my brother less recently, but since my last post). I think it's all over now. I still have some stuff to take care of regarding my father but that's private.
Thanks to a particular webcomic and some thoughtful recommendations from the guy at JB Hi-Fi I'm listening to a whole different kind of music now and loving it. Stuff like Wolf Parade, Mogwai, Explosions in the Sky, Battles, Dan Deacon, Marnie Stern etc. I played some for Judith last night and she showed me some old-style jazz. I liked the Kansas City stuff with bass and piano.
Now the only thing I wish for is some social confidence. I have been thinking about it a lot. I am so uneasy around other people and it shows. I have to get through this and stop fighting with my self-analytical voices or I'll never be happy.
Update: I've been reading webcomics, books, playing go, steeling myself for uni (which starts in under a month).
I played in the Go NSW state championship handicap division. I entered as a 2k, which is close to my actual rank, and played against opponents at 7k, 10k and 16k level. They all were given handicap stones so it was a difficult competition. Eventually I WON! bragging rights :D I even made a cool $100 out of it. Did I mention how much I love go? Well I love it even more now. Those games were incredibly tough and I had to reinvent my style to win. Since then it's been a rocky development period but I'm much stronger than I was before. It's like potential has been uncapped (not only in my playing ability but in my appreciation and understanding of the game).
Yeah, there was some drama at my dad's house recently (and with my brother less recently, but since my last post). I think it's all over now. I still have some stuff to take care of regarding my father but that's private.
Thanks to a particular webcomic and some thoughtful recommendations from the guy at JB Hi-Fi I'm listening to a whole different kind of music now and loving it. Stuff like Wolf Parade, Mogwai, Explosions in the Sky, Battles, Dan Deacon, Marnie Stern etc. I played some for Judith last night and she showed me some old-style jazz. I liked the Kansas City stuff with bass and piano.
Now the only thing I wish for is some social confidence. I have been thinking about it a lot. I am so uneasy around other people and it shows. I have to get through this and stop fighting with my self-analytical voices or I'll never be happy.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Shinra's parts
It's time for some night time ramblings. Most of my posts are at night, that's the best time for writing! When you are on the edge of REM sleep. The chilly bite of winter has come (it's been here since last Wednesday, after an ash cloud enveloped sydney lol. It was more like an ash haze, just a little bit of controlled backburning from the ridge south west of sydney. I have been reading 4chan threads (oh no, there goes the remnants of innocence) and found a really interesting one on /b/ which outlined a bunch of cool stuff. Things such as particle physics, how to make a hobo stove, hotwire a car, reprogram a traffic signal, etc. One of the image tutorials had on it instructions for correct sleeping. Of course everyone is different in this aspect but some common things exist. For example most people sleep during the night duh. Well the point is that mammals tend to nap in the middle of the day. I appreciate knowing these kinds of things in order to get in touch with my more primal self, who knows how to climb trees and exactly why fear exists. I have been sleeping very well the past few days on this regime of a siesta before the main sleep. I have been waking up more alert, staying in a sort of optimal mood for longer into the night etc.
Of course sleep deprivation can work wonders on your creative ability but it occasionally comes with a price if you are living a standard working life (which I am not! However I do keep myself busy so mentally they are similar, minus some chemistry from the benefits of exercise). I need all the stability I can get right now to experience a feeling that shall have to pass as my anchor into old age. I always think about this type of thing, I am prematurely old without the wisdom (tautology?).
I am now a 4k on KGS and I absolutely destroyed a 3k the other day. Lucky me that that happened or else I would have gone on thinking that such high kyus are indestructible.
I am playing FFVII again. The storyline came back to me in full force and I even started thinking about earth energy and the effects of the lifestream on Cloud. Then I drifted into the realms of amnesia, mostly because the story is so difficult to follow in the first place. Cloud's flashbacks are so patchy and some scenes are mixed together to the point where he doubts his own childhood. It's a curious character trait and I wish to be able to emulate the idea behind it in my own characters (even though for now I have detracted from the story involving such a similar form of life force and extrapolated to something considerably different and from my perspective original, which I'm not going to spew out onto the interwebs today THANKYOU!). I want to be able to use it in a more realistic context. The visuals are attractive all on their own.
more w/o priority tired now
Of course sleep deprivation can work wonders on your creative ability but it occasionally comes with a price if you are living a standard working life (which I am not! However I do keep myself busy so mentally they are similar, minus some chemistry from the benefits of exercise). I need all the stability I can get right now to experience a feeling that shall have to pass as my anchor into old age. I always think about this type of thing, I am prematurely old without the wisdom (tautology?).
I am now a 4k on KGS and I absolutely destroyed a 3k the other day. Lucky me that that happened or else I would have gone on thinking that such high kyus are indestructible.
I am playing FFVII again. The storyline came back to me in full force and I even started thinking about earth energy and the effects of the lifestream on Cloud. Then I drifted into the realms of amnesia, mostly because the story is so difficult to follow in the first place. Cloud's flashbacks are so patchy and some scenes are mixed together to the point where he doubts his own childhood. It's a curious character trait and I wish to be able to emulate the idea behind it in my own characters (even though for now I have detracted from the story involving such a similar form of life force and extrapolated to something considerably different and from my perspective original, which I'm not going to spew out onto the interwebs today THANKYOU!). I want to be able to use it in a more realistic context. The visuals are attractive all on their own.
more w/o priority tired now
Friday, April 30, 2010
It's a process
Recently I've been reading Solar, drawn away from my other book "The Illearth War" by it's easy flow. Each scene is like a bunch of reflection and introspection. New information slides in randomly to tie together a portrait of Michael Beard at each stage of his life. It doesn't give you the whole story, just the need to know bits. The next turn has been strange, but I'll explain where the book was heading around half way.
This book is one of the most courageous I've read. Michael Beard is bordering on a rational, socially acceptable psychopath. He treats most people like tools and shamelessly puts up fronts to the public, seemingly unaware or dismissive of his own flaws. The book is written in a way that takes his past into account on all occasions. Each thought is an amalgamation of himself, and yet he still makes decisions so localized in time. He bases every action on the immediate circumstance and then does his awkward way of regretting it later. His 'regrets' don't affect him on an emotional level. They are just there, he's unable to change it but enough of his life is working that he doesn't have to.
The courageous part is that he totally acknowledges that he's cold and inhuman in his uncommon careless attitude to his wife or lover (he chews through many). That's not something that I've ever considered writing about (mainly because I'm not a cold person) but it's easy to think in those terms the only barrier is how socially unacceptable the content is. If anyone like Beard exists, then they keep it a closely guarded secret or else they would probably find people like his most recent wife, Melissa, reaching out to them.
That's the next stage of the book, where it turns. He truly does appear to be changing, learning what it's like to be a father and being considerate of other people. I still have a long way to go to finish the book but it feels like a requiem nevertheless. I'm interested to know how it finishes. That's the weird part. I'm not excited to read it, but have to because of the nature of the book. It must flow from page to page and so I must not leave a significant gap in-between sessions. This book has a soul, no wonder so many people are reading it.
This book is one of the most courageous I've read. Michael Beard is bordering on a rational, socially acceptable psychopath. He treats most people like tools and shamelessly puts up fronts to the public, seemingly unaware or dismissive of his own flaws. The book is written in a way that takes his past into account on all occasions. Each thought is an amalgamation of himself, and yet he still makes decisions so localized in time. He bases every action on the immediate circumstance and then does his awkward way of regretting it later. His 'regrets' don't affect him on an emotional level. They are just there, he's unable to change it but enough of his life is working that he doesn't have to.
The courageous part is that he totally acknowledges that he's cold and inhuman in his uncommon careless attitude to his wife or lover (he chews through many). That's not something that I've ever considered writing about (mainly because I'm not a cold person) but it's easy to think in those terms the only barrier is how socially unacceptable the content is. If anyone like Beard exists, then they keep it a closely guarded secret or else they would probably find people like his most recent wife, Melissa, reaching out to them.
That's the next stage of the book, where it turns. He truly does appear to be changing, learning what it's like to be a father and being considerate of other people. I still have a long way to go to finish the book but it feels like a requiem nevertheless. I'm interested to know how it finishes. That's the weird part. I'm not excited to read it, but have to because of the nature of the book. It must flow from page to page and so I must not leave a significant gap in-between sessions. This book has a soul, no wonder so many people are reading it.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
My Kick-Ass day
Couple of nights ago I had one of those semi-break-down moments after a weird day where I started raging about nothing (a lost game of go) early, and then had to live through the aftershocks. Strangely enough during that time I was able to effortlessly speed read. I need to keep that in mind next time I have a stack of books waiting (oh wait, I always have that).
I went and saw Kick-Ass at the movies on Thursday. It was fucking awesome! The casual violence is so drastically different from most movies and tv shows. It's definitely on the forefront of that shift in values. The storyline itself was imbued with moralistic considerations and emotional motivations, even so it was dumbed down for a movie-going audience. I'd love to get my hands on the comics! I was amazed at how well the story flowed, all the elements linking quite naturally together (with a little bit of assumption in the use of media broadcast as an effective messenger to the other main players in the story, along with the weird role his gf plays).
Anyway, I had an awesome day hanging out with Albert at the mall. We had so much to talk about, neither of us have very strong opinions so we just flowed from one topic to the next. It was very free-flowing and relieving. I wish I had more friends like him. :)
I went and saw Kick-Ass at the movies on Thursday. It was fucking awesome! The casual violence is so drastically different from most movies and tv shows. It's definitely on the forefront of that shift in values. The storyline itself was imbued with moralistic considerations and emotional motivations, even so it was dumbed down for a movie-going audience. I'd love to get my hands on the comics! I was amazed at how well the story flowed, all the elements linking quite naturally together (with a little bit of assumption in the use of media broadcast as an effective messenger to the other main players in the story, along with the weird role his gf plays).
Anyway, I had an awesome day hanging out with Albert at the mall. We had so much to talk about, neither of us have very strong opinions so we just flowed from one topic to the next. It was very free-flowing and relieving. I wish I had more friends like him. :)
Friday, April 23, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Mariana and Impressionism
I like making up words. I need to be in the zone for it to work though. And even then I have a limit of about 6 - 8 good new words before all the creative energy fueling the process runs a different channel. One of the best things about Script Frenzy is that I get to make up words all the time. The place that I've set my script is around 2000 m deep, under the ocean, so it a lot of speculative thinking is involved in the world building and new words help explain much that is difficult. That's right I've chosen the most memorable place the Mariana Trench. I'll have to change them to something else later for the sake of popularization but for now just leave them and hopefully come up with a few more. For example I dislike most of the standard names that I have chosen for my characters. They shouldn't have common names imo. I need to invent some new ones, especially for the really scary deep sea creatures. But mostly my new names encompass all those scientific processes that don't read well on screen. I still like bioluminescent so I'm keeping that one but there are a lot of different things such as the bacteria the chemosynthesis coral and the weird creatures.
Actually I had to make most of these names up because I hadn't yet done my research. I spent a lot of last night reading about the Mariana Trench ecology and it was a blast. It's so much fun to learn about something that crazy. All is factored into my ever expanding useless information catalog but this time I'm going to use it for the purposes of good and not simply curing boredom.
Yesterday we went to Canberra. They are showing an exhibition of art from Musee D'Orsay in Paris, a lot of impressionists. The artworks were stunning and inspiring. I couldn't help but pay so much attention to detail that I may have lost sight of the real benefits of viewing. Nevertheless I intend to download decently large images of the paintings and display them on my desktop (or possibly get them printed etc.).
Many of the paintings were very psychological. They played coherent tricks with the mind to create the effect. I appreciate that.
Wah this coffee is strong!
Actually I had to make most of these names up because I hadn't yet done my research. I spent a lot of last night reading about the Mariana Trench ecology and it was a blast. It's so much fun to learn about something that crazy. All is factored into my ever expanding useless information catalog but this time I'm going to use it for the purposes of good and not simply curing boredom.
Yesterday we went to Canberra. They are showing an exhibition of art from Musee D'Orsay in Paris, a lot of impressionists. The artworks were stunning and inspiring. I couldn't help but pay so much attention to detail that I may have lost sight of the real benefits of viewing. Nevertheless I intend to download decently large images of the paintings and display them on my desktop (or possibly get them printed etc.).
Many of the paintings were very psychological. They played coherent tricks with the mind to create the effect. I appreciate that.
Wah this coffee is strong!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Tchaikovsky's Pathetique
Today I was treated to a concert. My dad bought tickets for Stef and her parents visiting from Germany, but they went home early. So I snatched at the chance and am now enlightened by Tchaikovsky. This was the first time that I've been able to judge a piece as not to my liking and have an idea why I didn't like it.
I caught the train with Stef. The performance was at the Opera House, beautiful shining thing on a day like today. I was more drawn to the impressive Harbour Bridge, metal giant. Things took on an intensity today, like everything was a snapshot. We waited for dad and Dennis on the steps to the Opera House. The woman serving at the cafe said "I hope you enjoy the performance." as I took my coffee. It was an intuitive step to get coffee. I didn't want to ruin my attention during the music, but it may have been a good move. The pieces themselves were all fragmented into short stages. I think I spent the entire time concentrating on individual sounds and could scarcely make out a structure to the pieces. They scarcely had any.
The first was Beethoven's Creatures of Prometheus. It's a short piece, only 5 minutes long. Following that was Schumann, which I didn't like. And the main performance was Tchaikovsky's Pathetique. Somewhat disturbing at times, I liked some of the little tricks for individual instruments and occasionally when the trumpets would purposefully clash with the violins while the bass cellos danced to their own tunes. They were like forceful messages that had nothing to do with melody.
I hope I can find some classical music that I love, because that was an experience not to be partaken of often lest I go insane.
I caught the train with Stef. The performance was at the Opera House, beautiful shining thing on a day like today. I was more drawn to the impressive Harbour Bridge, metal giant. Things took on an intensity today, like everything was a snapshot. We waited for dad and Dennis on the steps to the Opera House. The woman serving at the cafe said "I hope you enjoy the performance." as I took my coffee. It was an intuitive step to get coffee. I didn't want to ruin my attention during the music, but it may have been a good move. The pieces themselves were all fragmented into short stages. I think I spent the entire time concentrating on individual sounds and could scarcely make out a structure to the pieces. They scarcely had any.
The first was Beethoven's Creatures of Prometheus. It's a short piece, only 5 minutes long. Following that was Schumann, which I didn't like. And the main performance was Tchaikovsky's Pathetique. Somewhat disturbing at times, I liked some of the little tricks for individual instruments and occasionally when the trumpets would purposefully clash with the violins while the bass cellos danced to their own tunes. They were like forceful messages that had nothing to do with melody.
I hope I can find some classical music that I love, because that was an experience not to be partaken of often lest I go insane.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
calm days
I left my bedroom window open last night. It's not something that I can usually do because my room opens out immediately onto street level with only hedges blocking people from seeing inside. I thoroughly enjoyed the night air, sounds of birds waking me up this morning. I can't believe I've missed out on it for so long. Stupid modern living. We were not meant to be enclosed in these sorts of shelters! Even clothes are an impedance when you're trying to cool down (though very much welcome at other times).
So I have had a very nice sleep and woken up refreshed, with the only the faint memory of a dream.
Yesterday I played very slow go. It was nice reading out the steps more completely. The time scheme is still difficult - not unlimited - but the people that I was playing against are all really fast players anyway. I anticipated this and made the games unranked, so I could resign when needed.
A side effect of this is that I also scored a phenomenal 1504g in Big Brain Academy. New Record!!! He gave me the new rank (although I was still spinning over 'Leonardo Da Vinci') of 'Film Director' O.O How does he know?!? I'm merely leaning towards my artistic side, I think it is bringing out good things :)
I tried watching Matrix Reloaded yesterday. I had some stuff to do so I could only get the preludes of the story. I'm convinced now that Agent Smith is actually the hero. When you watch it again you should think about it.
Now I'm going back to dad's house for the first time in ages. I have to bring all my clothes there. The most exciting part of it is that I'm going to a concert with Dad, Stef and likely one other on Thursday. More updates to come!
So I have had a very nice sleep and woken up refreshed, with the only the faint memory of a dream.
Yesterday I played very slow go. It was nice reading out the steps more completely. The time scheme is still difficult - not unlimited - but the people that I was playing against are all really fast players anyway. I anticipated this and made the games unranked, so I could resign when needed.
A side effect of this is that I also scored a phenomenal 1504g in Big Brain Academy. New Record!!! He gave me the new rank (although I was still spinning over 'Leonardo Da Vinci') of 'Film Director' O.O How does he know?!? I'm merely leaning towards my artistic side, I think it is bringing out good things :)
I tried watching Matrix Reloaded yesterday. I had some stuff to do so I could only get the preludes of the story. I'm convinced now that Agent Smith is actually the hero. When you watch it again you should think about it.
Now I'm going back to dad's house for the first time in ages. I have to bring all my clothes there. The most exciting part of it is that I'm going to a concert with Dad, Stef and likely one other on Thursday. More updates to come!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
memory loss in action
Feelin' useless. I spent the entire weekend at home. It's not so bad, I've been reading through tutorials about image composition (mainly paintings, but it confers to digital art, photography, sketching, etc.) and playing go of course. I've slowed down my development, the next big leap to 2k is avoiding my gaze. I don't trust that it will be a constant progression into the more advanced go players. Whatever happens will happen instantly!
This is a collection of emotions that should cancel each other but aren't. I'm extra creative and useless. Methinks I'm trying too hard. I should play some blitz games in go and gather my resolve to shut down peripherals for a while.
I baked some very nice cake last Thursday. It was a banana cake, and I didn't get the chance to make icing before my lil' sis and I couldn't resist digging in. I always prefer to do the icing before it's cut. Otherwise it mixes with all the crumbs from the gaping hole and tastes differently (the texture draws your attention to the little crumbs instead of the cake itself).
I was inspired by "The White Tiger" by Aravind Adiga. I don't want to include any spoilers until I actually write a review, but it's a book about slavery and mental cages. It has powerful messages and yet seems so simple. The storyteller truly believes the doctrine he shouts. It'd be good to read what Aravind Adiga actually thinks of his own work.
Mum rented a bunch of mediocre dvds, I'm going to watch them, and I have expectations above what I know to be realistic (statistically speaking :P)
This is a collection of emotions that should cancel each other but aren't. I'm extra creative and useless. Methinks I'm trying too hard. I should play some blitz games in go and gather my resolve to shut down peripherals for a while.
I baked some very nice cake last Thursday. It was a banana cake, and I didn't get the chance to make icing before my lil' sis and I couldn't resist digging in. I always prefer to do the icing before it's cut. Otherwise it mixes with all the crumbs from the gaping hole and tastes differently (the texture draws your attention to the little crumbs instead of the cake itself).
I was inspired by "The White Tiger" by Aravind Adiga. I don't want to include any spoilers until I actually write a review, but it's a book about slavery and mental cages. It has powerful messages and yet seems so simple. The storyteller truly believes the doctrine he shouts. It'd be good to read what Aravind Adiga actually thinks of his own work.
Mum rented a bunch of mediocre dvds, I'm going to watch them, and I have expectations above what I know to be realistic (statistically speaking :P)
Monday, March 15, 2010
casual magic
I am cutting back on coffee and hoping that I can get back to a normal sleeping pattern. Currently I'm waking up at around 10 each day because I go to sleep at 2 or later (a step away from what I want, I used to go to sleep at around 1:30). It can't continue. I need to get a job and a life.
I woke up today at 7:38 and felt decently awake. That would have ended in disaster if I had actually gotten up. I am too light sensitive at that time and it affects me to the point that by 12 I'm falling asleep again. Instead I went back to sleep and had a great action dream, with casual magic :)
Last week I met an old-timer, although he doesn't look or even feel it. He's 60 (I guess it's not that old considering the age of my own parents) and so active. He bike rides bicycle a lot and golfs. He and his wife, (Ken & Judie, I hope I remember their names correctly) have been everywhere traveling. When I went over there yesterday they showed me all these pictures from India, China and Vietnam (along with various other S-E asian countries). Their house is full of books, it's incredible. Most of the rooms are difficult to walk into because of all the the normal stuff that has been displaced by books onto the floor. It was great to meet them. I'm going over there on Friday to play chess with Ken and teach him go.
I woke up today at 7:38 and felt decently awake. That would have ended in disaster if I had actually gotten up. I am too light sensitive at that time and it affects me to the point that by 12 I'm falling asleep again. Instead I went back to sleep and had a great action dream, with casual magic :)
Last week I met an old-timer, although he doesn't look or even feel it. He's 60 (I guess it's not that old considering the age of my own parents) and so active. He bike rides bicycle a lot and golfs. He and his wife, (Ken & Judie, I hope I remember their names correctly) have been everywhere traveling. When I went over there yesterday they showed me all these pictures from India, China and Vietnam (along with various other S-E asian countries). Their house is full of books, it's incredible. Most of the rooms are difficult to walk into because of all the the normal stuff that has been displaced by books onto the floor. It was great to meet them. I'm going over there on Friday to play chess with Ken and teach him go.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Kevin's 50th
Yesterday Kevin, my mum's partner, turned 50. It was an awesome party with good music. For the first time I found myself sitting around with all the same people for the entire night. Usually at parties I do what nobody else has the guts to and properly socialize. I also usually get a bunch of weird looks, like I'm intruding.
My brother's friends, it's hard to tell whether they're a bad influence or he is. They were the bad kids at school but no longer part of the outcast regiments. I told them that I drink now occasionally. Cameron's face lit up. He said 'You have to come to my next party!' He holds them at his house and I take it a lot of people turn up at various stages of the night and get mightily hammered. Werll... I probably will. I hope I can find somewhere to fit in.
I'm reading a book, "Virus" by Sarah Lanagan. It's really deeply scary. She puts a lot of effort into her characters and they each have realistic quirks that are, for me, a little bit confronting. They are psychological quirks from people who would be psychopaths if it weren't for their inhibitors and social upbringing. The supernatural element has only just begun. I'm going to enjoy reviewing this book.
My brother's friends, it's hard to tell whether they're a bad influence or he is. They were the bad kids at school but no longer part of the outcast regiments. I told them that I drink now occasionally. Cameron's face lit up. He said 'You have to come to my next party!' He holds them at his house and I take it a lot of people turn up at various stages of the night and get mightily hammered. Werll... I probably will. I hope I can find somewhere to fit in.
I'm reading a book, "Virus" by Sarah Lanagan. It's really deeply scary. She puts a lot of effort into her characters and they each have realistic quirks that are, for me, a little bit confronting. They are psychological quirks from people who would be psychopaths if it weren't for their inhibitors and social upbringing. The supernatural element has only just begun. I'm going to enjoy reviewing this book.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Recovery
I've begun to recover from this dastardly virus. Yep, I was happy with the string of awesome dreams, although it's hard to call all of them dreams. Sometimes I felt like I was simply letting my mind roam while still awake during that first night when the cold was the worst. Last night/this morning I had a dream where I had to give my friend guns (he was bigger) so that he could crowd control the HSC students taking exams. It was a market city, sandstone and stairs everywhere.
At least I now have part of my mind back. It's like a constant interruption into your thinking ability when the virus was in place. Thankfully I had Faerie Lord by Herbie Brennan lying around. It's a bit of a children's book but at least it's structured in such a way that it's always entertaining. Only because of that I was able to get about 2 hours of peaceful reading without the constant sneezing and feeling like my head is about to meltdown and kill everything in a 5km radius (a small blast. It's not that radioactive). I was so confused when Henry gets teleported, but it sort of makes sense in the scheme of things. There's some heeby jeeby fate/destiny bs undertone throughout the novel, but the characters seem to know that and figure, 'why not?'
Aside from that the only thing I was capable of doing yesterday was drawing Tyranids on my wacom tablet. They are sexy beasts. Of course this did not come without an understanding of what Tyranids can do on the tabletop gameplay. I am confident I could create a very useful army of them. It's just really difficult to know what's good now that the rules for shooting have changed so drastically. It's impossible to hide tyrants and such so the big monsters are really not worth the ridiculous points cost. I would prefer to have an army of warriors. Of course they're only really useful in close combat and to get them there you need backup of Genestealers and termagants. Tyranids lack long range weaponry. Their best bet is Zoanthropes with warp blast, but that's only 18" range and somewhat easy to avoid if you're fighting a tank with heavy weaponry (although troop transports are dead against it). I don't know how to use them and actually I think I prefer Eldar a lot more if only they had cheaper squad units.
Anyway I'm glad to be coming out of this sickness. I will be happy when it's all gone and I can take my dog for a walk again. My body was so weak yesterday. Scary how suddenly it comes on.
At least I now have part of my mind back. It's like a constant interruption into your thinking ability when the virus was in place. Thankfully I had Faerie Lord by Herbie Brennan lying around. It's a bit of a children's book but at least it's structured in such a way that it's always entertaining. Only because of that I was able to get about 2 hours of peaceful reading without the constant sneezing and feeling like my head is about to meltdown and kill everything in a 5km radius (a small blast. It's not that radioactive). I was so confused when Henry gets teleported, but it sort of makes sense in the scheme of things. There's some heeby jeeby fate/destiny bs undertone throughout the novel, but the characters seem to know that and figure, 'why not?'
Aside from that the only thing I was capable of doing yesterday was drawing Tyranids on my wacom tablet. They are sexy beasts. Of course this did not come without an understanding of what Tyranids can do on the tabletop gameplay. I am confident I could create a very useful army of them. It's just really difficult to know what's good now that the rules for shooting have changed so drastically. It's impossible to hide tyrants and such so the big monsters are really not worth the ridiculous points cost. I would prefer to have an army of warriors. Of course they're only really useful in close combat and to get them there you need backup of Genestealers and termagants. Tyranids lack long range weaponry. Their best bet is Zoanthropes with warp blast, but that's only 18" range and somewhat easy to avoid if you're fighting a tank with heavy weaponry (although troop transports are dead against it). I don't know how to use them and actually I think I prefer Eldar a lot more if only they had cheaper squad units.
Anyway I'm glad to be coming out of this sickness. I will be happy when it's all gone and I can take my dog for a walk again. My body was so weak yesterday. Scary how suddenly it comes on.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
It's the virus that's writing, not me!
Now is essentially 4 hours before any reasonable bedtime judging by my internal clock. Nevertheless some form of virus purports to throw it out of whack. My entire day has been a mixture of grumpiness and serenity, an insight into the obscure shadowy world of people who do not involuntarily analyze every waking moment.
I finished Ender in Exile by Orson Scott Card. All that's left now is to check out his website, listed at the back of the book oscIGMS.com
I'm not giving a book review here, I'll do that properly when I feel like it and have the time. Instead I'll give an update on writerly insights (because I absolutely love his work). There's a passage, about two pages worth that is completely taken up by developing internal conflict, within a timeframe of a heated beration by Allessandra's mother. He only concentrates on the history, what it means to A, and the resultant course of action. There was certainly a lot to consider. Much of it was cool objective calculation, something that at the time required a precise weight measurement so that it could be placed against the personal feelings of herself and other people involved, which were aggravated and hard to pinpoint. He included as much as possible in the introspection and gave it a certain structure that flexed under the pressure of observation, as it should, resulting in something that was entirely uncertain but a decision nonetheless. To unassuming readers this may seem like no great feat, but base decisions happen all the time in other books and this is a good benchmark to set as an 'adult' fiction - the degree of explanation. Often motivation can be gleaned and/or is not welcome in the flow of the book (especially if you're only dealing with minor characters (the sheer concept!)). But motivation is a fleeting specter, never entirely understood even by the decision-makers.
Orson Scott Card wrote at the end of his book that the format for creation was first to present a novelette to his friends and then improve on it and factor in several opinions. I had never truly conceived of this method, thinking that it went from strategic plan to complete scenes and language refinement instead of small scale to scene refinement. I like the idea, and intend to use it, soon. It ought to make many things a lot easier, quicker, more manageable in chunks but never losing sight of the overall picture.
I was at a bookstore yesterday and slightly overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of books being printed. How can anyone hope to read them all? That's one of the things about common culture, when a book really takes off then everyone reads it and can comment, similarly with movies. I find it a little disconcerting that so many books will go through life untraded, simply because anyone that has read the book has a low probability (hah, even less considering how many people actually like to read) of finding someone else who has also read it, and if they do recommend it to someone then there's often a time gap etc. ugh lots of trouble. I never get to discuss any of my favorite books. We may be doomed to be steeped in the classics until end of days.
Aside from writing novels, what else is there?
* Team up with a manga artist.
* Write for a newspaper, interact with your readers.
* Magazine articles. I wonder how many people like to read those. At least depending on your area of expertise you'd get a readership of like-interest people.
* Movies
* Plays and theater
* Song lyrics
* Poetry
* blogs :P
* Speeches?
Okay, there are decent options everywhere. What I choose to do will end up to be a fluke of circumstance or a natural ability - something that I love. Food for thought.
I finished Ender in Exile by Orson Scott Card. All that's left now is to check out his website, listed at the back of the book oscIGMS.com
I'm not giving a book review here, I'll do that properly when I feel like it and have the time. Instead I'll give an update on writerly insights (because I absolutely love his work). There's a passage, about two pages worth that is completely taken up by developing internal conflict, within a timeframe of a heated beration by Allessandra's mother. He only concentrates on the history, what it means to A, and the resultant course of action. There was certainly a lot to consider. Much of it was cool objective calculation, something that at the time required a precise weight measurement so that it could be placed against the personal feelings of herself and other people involved, which were aggravated and hard to pinpoint. He included as much as possible in the introspection and gave it a certain structure that flexed under the pressure of observation, as it should, resulting in something that was entirely uncertain but a decision nonetheless. To unassuming readers this may seem like no great feat, but base decisions happen all the time in other books and this is a good benchmark to set as an 'adult' fiction - the degree of explanation. Often motivation can be gleaned and/or is not welcome in the flow of the book (especially if you're only dealing with minor characters (the sheer concept!)). But motivation is a fleeting specter, never entirely understood even by the decision-makers.
Orson Scott Card wrote at the end of his book that the format for creation was first to present a novelette to his friends and then improve on it and factor in several opinions. I had never truly conceived of this method, thinking that it went from strategic plan to complete scenes and language refinement instead of small scale to scene refinement. I like the idea, and intend to use it, soon. It ought to make many things a lot easier, quicker, more manageable in chunks but never losing sight of the overall picture.
I was at a bookstore yesterday and slightly overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of books being printed. How can anyone hope to read them all? That's one of the things about common culture, when a book really takes off then everyone reads it and can comment, similarly with movies. I find it a little disconcerting that so many books will go through life untraded, simply because anyone that has read the book has a low probability (hah, even less considering how many people actually like to read) of finding someone else who has also read it, and if they do recommend it to someone then there's often a time gap etc. ugh lots of trouble. I never get to discuss any of my favorite books. We may be doomed to be steeped in the classics until end of days.
Aside from writing novels, what else is there?
* Team up with a manga artist.
* Write for a newspaper, interact with your readers.
* Magazine articles. I wonder how many people like to read those. At least depending on your area of expertise you'd get a readership of like-interest people.
* Movies
* Plays and theater
* Song lyrics
* Poetry
* blogs :P
* Speeches?
Okay, there are decent options everywhere. What I choose to do will end up to be a fluke of circumstance or a natural ability - something that I love. Food for thought.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Hot or Cold?
Gruahhh, I had a fun night killing zombies. I was in the mood to play, but definitely not in the zone. In fact I was so far out of the zone that the times that I didn't hang back and mess around taking pot shots and waiting for the zombies to rush at us, I was shooting cars to set off alarms and rushing forward to get swarmed and knocked down. The only part I did succeed at consisted of relentlessly shooting tanks and shoving stuff in survival mode, and even then I had to be saved multiple times, often resulting in our entire team getting swarmed and knocked down.
So just when I was starting to get good at it, I've become really disheartened with socializing and talking to people. I don't want to feel as though I'm forcing my ideas onto them but it's unavoidable when everyone is so damn cold. It's even worse than that. I know for a fact that they are not cold people (sorry, I should explain, I think of book characters partly in terms of temperature, there are a wide range of tepid areas but mostly people fall into the categories of hot and cold - either is fine and identity inseparable. I am certainly hot.) they're just acting that way because idno. There are possible reasons that I can't be sure of, one is that they are trying to restrict me just through natural opposition to 'strangers' and I'm a stranger to EVERYONE (my mother? Forget it, I could have been adopted! She said last night, "it's only a book" and I'm still brooding over it (that phrase is not okay with me in ANY context)), another is that the people I talk to fundamentally interact through opposition to any subject matter, and yet another that they really don't care (why engage in conversation in the first place?). You know what? Every possible reason disturbs me.
Speech is such a ridiculously complex system. Moreso in cases where the proponents don't want or aren't trying to connect/comprehend.
So just when I was starting to get good at it, I've become really disheartened with socializing and talking to people. I don't want to feel as though I'm forcing my ideas onto them but it's unavoidable when everyone is so damn cold. It's even worse than that. I know for a fact that they are not cold people (sorry, I should explain, I think of book characters partly in terms of temperature, there are a wide range of tepid areas but mostly people fall into the categories of hot and cold - either is fine and identity inseparable. I am certainly hot.) they're just acting that way because idno. There are possible reasons that I can't be sure of, one is that they are trying to restrict me just through natural opposition to 'strangers' and I'm a stranger to EVERYONE (my mother? Forget it, I could have been adopted! She said last night, "it's only a book" and I'm still brooding over it (that phrase is not okay with me in ANY context)), another is that the people I talk to fundamentally interact through opposition to any subject matter, and yet another that they really don't care (why engage in conversation in the first place?). You know what? Every possible reason disturbs me.
Speech is such a ridiculously complex system. Moreso in cases where the proponents don't want or aren't trying to connect/comprehend.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Creative ENERGIES
I am weirdly in touch with my creative side today. I've drawn a few random stuff, written a small amount that's very good - sometimes the very bad books are the very best guides to writing. Saga of The Seven Suns v1 is hard to read, it's slow and very loosely connected at all times, it feels like there is no goal at the end, only a very non-imminent conflict on the horizon. However the style is so generously insightful. It makes no great leap from Anderson's brain to the page and that's comforting and familiar and transparent and all the good things for studying the creative process. So I'm enjoying it a lot and hope it gets better, I have a long way to go to the finale.
I watched District 9 for the second time last night. It's a grim and pessimistic take on humanity. That's the main message I read from the movie. The MC's fight to survive and personal development are touching, but I'm sure anyone can watch it and read about such things on any other review.
We also rented Bladerunner. Well, I did. We looked carefully for it. This is a scary trend. I've been recommended to watch both these movies by the same person and I loved both and I really want to talk to him. It's weird though. We don't see eachother on equal terms, there's a distinct age difference. Maybe I'm being premature and foolish. I don't want to wait until mid March to see him again. If he's reading this, and I know you know who you are :P call me. I'm really understanding.
I watched District 9 for the second time last night. It's a grim and pessimistic take on humanity. That's the main message I read from the movie. The MC's fight to survive and personal development are touching, but I'm sure anyone can watch it and read about such things on any other review.
We also rented Bladerunner. Well, I did. We looked carefully for it. This is a scary trend. I've been recommended to watch both these movies by the same person and I loved both and I really want to talk to him. It's weird though. We don't see eachother on equal terms, there's a distinct age difference. Maybe I'm being premature and foolish. I don't want to wait until mid March to see him again. If he's reading this, and I know you know who you are :P call me. I'm really understanding.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
O-Week @ UNSW
It has really been 11 days since my last post :o
Well in the meantime I've discovered how to use a mute on my violin. It is SOGREAT to be able to jam away with all the crazy chords that I would be scared for anyone else to hear. I went to Uni today, it's O-Week. There was a guy trying to organize a string ensemble and people of every level to come and do tutorials with teachers. I talked to him a little and signed up to receive updates via email. I really would like to get a proper teacher sometime, or at least make my trips to see Amanda more regular.
The Unibuds stall appears to be functioning seamlessly. I hope it does well this year and we get lots of new adventurous members. There's a girl that I like... she graduated last year so I don't know what she's still doing here. Unibuds creates a sort of community like that, as long as you can remember everyone's names. That's my biggest problem and it is really embarrassing. I'm such an idiot, the perfect opportunity arose today to ask her out, we were passing by in the really big square and I just smiled, said hi and did my normal near-script like routine. I hate being so socially stupid.
I got really caught up today playing go at the UNSW go club stall. I played a 1 dan and lost by only 5 points fuck yeah! (11.5 points with komi). It was an even game so I'm minus 2... 2 KYU!!! Pretty incredible stuff :D Owen is our new president. I'm happy for him. It's probably one of the best clubs in that respect, very little organization required, maximum return. I suggested we have a drunk go tournament (lots of people play go drunk online).
Well most of today was spent STARVING! I wish I could have gotten lunch earlier, but I got swept up in things and now I feel all out of synch. Even with my usual speedy skills on the computer and reading I wasted over an hour looking at potential subject choices. I'm considering doing a combined major of mathematics and statistics in the science program (I'm dropping from Advanced science/arts, like I knew I would) but it requires me to attend university during first session as well as second and I don't like that idea one bit. It would look killer on my CV but not worth the effort. I would prefer to do a full semester's work next session, and I would get to study Dynamical Systems and Chaos with Peter Brown XD!!! My final choice of subject is a little more difficult, it has to be a higher level maths subject but that's hard because I only have a few options open to me, and even fewer are appealing. I can't take first level courses, I've already reached my maximum of 60 credits and they are prerequisites for any other second level science subjects that I might want to do. I can choose 2nd level computer science but I've had some bad experiences with them. Sooooooooooooo I may choose Finite Mathematics, it's only 3 credits and it's also taught by Peter Brown. Or I can do Fluids Oceans and Climates, or Optimization. I'm currently leaning toward Optimization, because it is a very VERY important subject area (why didn't I realize before! (kind of moments))!
Well in the meantime I've discovered how to use a mute on my violin. It is SOGREAT to be able to jam away with all the crazy chords that I would be scared for anyone else to hear. I went to Uni today, it's O-Week. There was a guy trying to organize a string ensemble and people of every level to come and do tutorials with teachers. I talked to him a little and signed up to receive updates via email. I really would like to get a proper teacher sometime, or at least make my trips to see Amanda more regular.
The Unibuds stall appears to be functioning seamlessly. I hope it does well this year and we get lots of new adventurous members. There's a girl that I like... she graduated last year so I don't know what she's still doing here. Unibuds creates a sort of community like that, as long as you can remember everyone's names. That's my biggest problem and it is really embarrassing. I'm such an idiot, the perfect opportunity arose today to ask her out, we were passing by in the really big square and I just smiled, said hi and did my normal near-script like routine. I hate being so socially stupid.
I got really caught up today playing go at the UNSW go club stall. I played a 1 dan and lost by only 5 points fuck yeah! (11.5 points with komi). It was an even game so I'm minus 2... 2 KYU!!! Pretty incredible stuff :D Owen is our new president. I'm happy for him. It's probably one of the best clubs in that respect, very little organization required, maximum return. I suggested we have a drunk go tournament (lots of people play go drunk online).
Well most of today was spent STARVING! I wish I could have gotten lunch earlier, but I got swept up in things and now I feel all out of synch. Even with my usual speedy skills on the computer and reading I wasted over an hour looking at potential subject choices. I'm considering doing a combined major of mathematics and statistics in the science program (I'm dropping from Advanced science/arts, like I knew I would) but it requires me to attend university during first session as well as second and I don't like that idea one bit. It would look killer on my CV but not worth the effort. I would prefer to do a full semester's work next session, and I would get to study Dynamical Systems and Chaos with Peter Brown XD!!! My final choice of subject is a little more difficult, it has to be a higher level maths subject but that's hard because I only have a few options open to me, and even fewer are appealing. I can't take first level courses, I've already reached my maximum of 60 credits and they are prerequisites for any other second level science subjects that I might want to do. I can choose 2nd level computer science but I've had some bad experiences with them. Sooooooooooooo I may choose Finite Mathematics, it's only 3 credits and it's also taught by Peter Brown. Or I can do Fluids Oceans and Climates, or Optimization. I'm currently leaning toward Optimization, because it is a very VERY important subject area (why didn't I realize before! (kind of moments))!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Nobody understands me! It's weird but I still feel like they should.. These are common desires. Instead everyone seems distant and I probably seem equally distant to them. I wish I could blow it all off and live in my own little created world where there is none of the stress and social constraints. Feels like human interactions are closer to a diplomatic affair. Wish I didn't have to be so stupid in EQ.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Action!
I can't believe I totally forgot to post some of the ACTION! Tonight I played soccer with dad, unfortunately last Sunday was rained out. There was this awesome guy there, Alister, at first he scolded me for not being brave enough to charge at a hurtling corner kick and a couple of other guys going for the same ball. I think I gave away a goal :s then I tried a little harder. It helped. Man am I tired now.
Dad has a new car, a Hyundai i30. It seems pretty good and high tech. The engine is a 1.6 L diesel with an injection system that keeps the pressure equalized between each pipe leading in, this makes it very efficient. I am happy to be riding in a space car. It's even a bright red color!
The most exciting thing I've done all week was Lun's 21st Birthday Party!!! I got to meet all of his friends and they were /awesome/! Somehow exciting people seem to congregate around Lun. I didn't know anyone until Alex, Lun's cousin came along. We made fun of him for looking like Jackie Chan. I made him say Kaspersky :))) Grahghghghgh I otherwise learned that I am very much out of touch with talking to people... (even when they're being super happy social) lol, a little bit here and there and I'll be good as new. These holidays are long.
We went bowling first in the ridiculously loud bowling alley. I'm proud to announce that I scored exactly 100 points! lol nearly everyone else did even better than that. Joan scored 115! Gordon and Heyi were like pros. Alvin and Alan had their own little contest and Lun did okay too. The only person I'm forgetting is Hugh, who continuously amazed by hitting every pin but the first :P
Pancakes on the Rocks @ Darling Harbour was okay. I wish I could try Joan's drink again, it was cosmic. Instead I had an ice mocha and got a taste of a Bloody Mary, which is like Tomato juice and pepper.
I also got to finally meet up with Lun's gf Jess. She was really quiet, now I know why they get on so well lol. jk!
t'was a great night.
Dad has a new car, a Hyundai i30. It seems pretty good and high tech. The engine is a 1.6 L diesel with an injection system that keeps the pressure equalized between each pipe leading in, this makes it very efficient. I am happy to be riding in a space car. It's even a bright red color!
The most exciting thing I've done all week was Lun's 21st Birthday Party!!! I got to meet all of his friends and they were /awesome/! Somehow exciting people seem to congregate around Lun. I didn't know anyone until Alex, Lun's cousin came along. We made fun of him for looking like Jackie Chan. I made him say Kaspersky :))) Grahghghghgh I otherwise learned that I am very much out of touch with talking to people... (even when they're being super happy social) lol, a little bit here and there and I'll be good as new. These holidays are long.
We went bowling first in the ridiculously loud bowling alley. I'm proud to announce that I scored exactly 100 points! lol nearly everyone else did even better than that. Joan scored 115! Gordon and Heyi were like pros. Alvin and Alan had their own little contest and Lun did okay too. The only person I'm forgetting is Hugh, who continuously amazed by hitting every pin but the first :P
Pancakes on the Rocks @ Darling Harbour was okay. I wish I could try Joan's drink again, it was cosmic. Instead I had an ice mocha and got a taste of a Bloody Mary, which is like Tomato juice and pepper.
I also got to finally meet up with Lun's gf Jess. She was really quiet, now I know why they get on so well lol. jk!
t'was a great night.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Angel's Game
I shouldn't be fighting my active mind at night time. My regular sleeping pattern has pushed itself back to around 2:30. Last night I tried to get to sleep at a reasonable time, 1:40 and failed massively. I didn't even get a very good sleep. I should have been writing. Instead I lay in bed and thought of all the different combinations in go and actually found myself thinking about Angel's Game. It's about time I started a review on it.
SPOILERS
Angel's Game is the second of Carlos Ruiz Zafon's books. I must agree with the blurb, it is a 'worthy successor' to Shadow of the Wind. However, I don't recognize it as a masterpiece. In fact it's forgettable. That's maybe why I haven't had the urge to write this review.
The story is a little carefree in it's final stage of development. The curse of his house and the voodoo that staves off death resolved very simply. Instead of having a true side story about Salvadore and his love for DM's wife Zafon transforms the entire story into a side-effect of the original that was never told. That Andreas Corelli can't be said to have existed and the MC's madness never having a resolution that could have contributed to the MC's personal development seemed like major cop-outs.
The story was exciting but ultimately disappointing. I expected so much from it. It built itself up to a long anti-climax. BUT! The walkthrough format of the book made me think of unrelated things, concerning life, in great detail. That's the real beauty of this book. The language is so flowery that sometimes you can't continue to suspend disbelief and instead your mind ends up wondering alone on it's own journey of apprehension.
I didn't love this book, maybe I'm getting old.
SPOILERS
Angel's Game is the second of Carlos Ruiz Zafon's books. I must agree with the blurb, it is a 'worthy successor' to Shadow of the Wind. However, I don't recognize it as a masterpiece. In fact it's forgettable. That's maybe why I haven't had the urge to write this review.
The story is a little carefree in it's final stage of development. The curse of his house and the voodoo that staves off death resolved very simply. Instead of having a true side story about Salvadore and his love for DM's wife Zafon transforms the entire story into a side-effect of the original that was never told. That Andreas Corelli can't be said to have existed and the MC's madness never having a resolution that could have contributed to the MC's personal development seemed like major cop-outs.
The story was exciting but ultimately disappointing. I expected so much from it. It built itself up to a long anti-climax. BUT! The walkthrough format of the book made me think of unrelated things, concerning life, in great detail. That's the real beauty of this book. The language is so flowery that sometimes you can't continue to suspend disbelief and instead your mind ends up wondering alone on it's own journey of apprehension.
I didn't love this book, maybe I'm getting old.
Judging from everyone's twittering, they did not have a good day. Luckily I had an awesome time today. I washed the dishes as soon as I woke up at around 12 (sleep is important), which is okay since i went to bed at 2. Then my big brain academy yielded a score of 1332g, my best so far. I played a whole lot of violin and seem to have easily mastered the final song in my 1st grade book. I need to get my 2nd and technical books back from toukley :( But now I also have Baroque violinist, a book of classical music that's at about my level. It even has an accompanying piano part for my Aunt to play next time we jam.
Today I also took Rusty for a walk, after beating a 3k in go (by 39.5 points (3 handicap stones)). I think I should be 4k by now!!! I'll probably be 5k tomorrow though, once the rating system updates. Other than that I spent the day reading Arthur C. Clarke's 2010 Odyssey 2, Newton's sleep by O'Reilly and B.Ichi vol 1 by Atsushi Ookubo.
I'm ready to start writing again.
Today I also took Rusty for a walk, after beating a 3k in go (by 39.5 points (3 handicap stones)). I think I should be 4k by now!!! I'll probably be 5k tomorrow though, once the rating system updates. Other than that I spent the day reading Arthur C. Clarke's 2010 Odyssey 2, Newton's sleep by O'Reilly and B.Ichi vol 1 by Atsushi Ookubo.
I'm ready to start writing again.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Why so serious???
I'm still tired, last night's set of dreams were really crazy. Someone asked me to give them a rundown of the storyline attached to Eden. Instead I started dreaming (while telling the story) of Isabella from Angel's Game as a fire element user and me / some guy upon whom was bestowed all 4 elements by gigantic creatures / summon spirits. The weird thing about this is that I fully believed that the story I was telling existed in some medium irl.
I went out last night and met a bunch of new people. The only two I really knew were Lun and Alex but I got along fine with everyone. I hate this feeling though. Let me explain.
On the way to the meeting place, walking down from Town Hall to Darling Harbour I had to force my face not to be contorted into bad emotions. I think I'm afraid of being around other people. Then when I am surrounded by total strangers I have masses of fun. We went bowling and I talked a whole bunch to Alan. It's a bit like waking up. You have this morning haze where you don't know what to say but he was really nice and kept asking questions like what I studied and what it was like, why I liked it etc. And I realize half way through that I haven't asked him anything. So I gradually get used to conversation again.
But now, afterward I feel like I'm starting to regret the way I acted all throughout last night. As if I've done something wrong by being excited and not so serious. I don't even realize that's what I'm doing for most of the time until I do.
Then it hits me, the self loathing of realization that I've done something that I fear and that I still fear it.
This post included.
I went out last night and met a bunch of new people. The only two I really knew were Lun and Alex but I got along fine with everyone. I hate this feeling though. Let me explain.
On the way to the meeting place, walking down from Town Hall to Darling Harbour I had to force my face not to be contorted into bad emotions. I think I'm afraid of being around other people. Then when I am surrounded by total strangers I have masses of fun. We went bowling and I talked a whole bunch to Alan. It's a bit like waking up. You have this morning haze where you don't know what to say but he was really nice and kept asking questions like what I studied and what it was like, why I liked it etc. And I realize half way through that I haven't asked him anything. So I gradually get used to conversation again.
But now, afterward I feel like I'm starting to regret the way I acted all throughout last night. As if I've done something wrong by being excited and not so serious. I don't even realize that's what I'm doing for most of the time until I do.
Then it hits me, the self loathing of realization that I've done something that I fear and that I still fear it.
This post included.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Confessions of a Shopaholic
SPOILERS
I had a blast reading this book. Partly because the MC's unstoppable train of thought was absolutely hilarious, it's exactly what I think of those people who get suckered in by advertisements. For example she loves the word "SALE" and goes absolutely crazy whenever she sees it at a store she likes, but hates it when they plaster the word all over the shiny bags that you get when you buy clothes there (the entire story she's obsessed with clothes) because it makes you look cheap. Personally I love looking cheap, I was beaming when I said "I'll take the cheaper one." to the guy at the music store while buying my violin chin-rest. This was after he had told me that kun is made in belgium or somewhere and the chinrest I bought was made in China (my violin is also chinese made, so they go together...). So the entire book has this insane obsession with clothes and money the entire way through.
Strangely enough that makes the MC so endearing! She's trapped in this spiral of consumerism. The style of writing is quite good for this effect too. It's all short sentences with a lot of action that moves the story along and although you're reading it you're thinking that she's got her mind in action at 100miles a minute, well so is yours. It draws you through and puts you into her mindset excellently.
Then there's the real world element of the story. She's a financial journalist, I know, lol. And she's pretty good at her job. Her personal finances aren't in order, however. The contrast of these two and especially the amount of acting that she has to do in order to cover this oversight on the part of her peers is phenomenal. Everything is so tense! And it's all focused on the facade (which is no mere coincidence). There's some real world conflict too, a type of scam within the financial realm that's very similar looking to much of the crap companies try to pull irl. So along the way the MC matures even though she never really solves her problem of running from every shred of conscience she has left. It's incredible how roundabout her mind is, and ENJOYABLE!
I really do have to recommend that you read it for yourself, I can't possibly give enough info here. I can't wait to read vol. 2.
I had a blast reading this book. Partly because the MC's unstoppable train of thought was absolutely hilarious, it's exactly what I think of those people who get suckered in by advertisements. For example she loves the word "SALE" and goes absolutely crazy whenever she sees it at a store she likes, but hates it when they plaster the word all over the shiny bags that you get when you buy clothes there (the entire story she's obsessed with clothes) because it makes you look cheap. Personally I love looking cheap, I was beaming when I said "I'll take the cheaper one." to the guy at the music store while buying my violin chin-rest. This was after he had told me that kun is made in belgium or somewhere and the chinrest I bought was made in China (my violin is also chinese made, so they go together...). So the entire book has this insane obsession with clothes and money the entire way through.
Strangely enough that makes the MC so endearing! She's trapped in this spiral of consumerism. The style of writing is quite good for this effect too. It's all short sentences with a lot of action that moves the story along and although you're reading it you're thinking that she's got her mind in action at 100miles a minute, well so is yours. It draws you through and puts you into her mindset excellently.
Then there's the real world element of the story. She's a financial journalist, I know, lol. And she's pretty good at her job. Her personal finances aren't in order, however. The contrast of these two and especially the amount of acting that she has to do in order to cover this oversight on the part of her peers is phenomenal. Everything is so tense! And it's all focused on the facade (which is no mere coincidence). There's some real world conflict too, a type of scam within the financial realm that's very similar looking to much of the crap companies try to pull irl. So along the way the MC matures even though she never really solves her problem of running from every shred of conscience she has left. It's incredible how roundabout her mind is, and ENJOYABLE!
I really do have to recommend that you read it for yourself, I can't possibly give enough info here. I can't wait to read vol. 2.
Friday, February 5, 2010
fkn COSMIC
I finished reading every calvin and hobbes recently lol.
Today when I woke up Rage was playing these really cosmic songs, so space age. I'm in that kind of mood today. I think I need to offset it with coffee.
Thursday night I watched these two go players, High55(6D) and coolbabe(5D) battle it out for over 6 hours of continuous play. Eventually coolbabe broke High55's streak of 25 games, the final score was something like 27-3. Since then I've been so involved with go and actually getting emotional when things don't go my way. In some respects that's a good thing for me, who is usually delusional scientific. In fact I noticed it again while I was watching Torchwood Children of Earth, I was so riled up when the govt started taking children away even though it was only fiction. Pretty epic heartbreaking story when you watch it from Jack's persp.
Now what I'm really here to do: Book reviews.
I finished reading "Angel's Game" by Carlos Ruiz Zafon on Thursday and "Confessions of A Shopaholic" by Sophie Kinsella on Friday. They were both excellent novels, I'm just grateful that I don't have to wait years for the next shopaholic book (I just need to be able to FIND it!!!). Whereas Carlos Ruiz Zafon probably won't put out a new book for two years.... oh the sad.
I'll give a spoiler post later. I don't feel like it right now :P
Today when I woke up Rage was playing these really cosmic songs, so space age. I'm in that kind of mood today. I think I need to offset it with coffee.
Thursday night I watched these two go players, High55(6D) and coolbabe(5D) battle it out for over 6 hours of continuous play. Eventually coolbabe broke High55's streak of 25 games, the final score was something like 27-3. Since then I've been so involved with go and actually getting emotional when things don't go my way. In some respects that's a good thing for me, who is usually delusional scientific. In fact I noticed it again while I was watching Torchwood Children of Earth, I was so riled up when the govt started taking children away even though it was only fiction. Pretty epic heartbreaking story when you watch it from Jack's persp.
Now what I'm really here to do: Book reviews.
I finished reading "Angel's Game" by Carlos Ruiz Zafon on Thursday and "Confessions of A Shopaholic" by Sophie Kinsella on Friday. They were both excellent novels, I'm just grateful that I don't have to wait years for the next shopaholic book (I just need to be able to FIND it!!!). Whereas Carlos Ruiz Zafon probably won't put out a new book for two years.... oh the sad.
I'll give a spoiler post later. I don't feel like it right now :P
Monday, February 1, 2010
Primordial soup, yum
I've been watching tv from 7:30pm non-stop d'oh. Before that I was able to beat a 2k in go (4 handicap stones to me). So maybe I've recovered a little in the time that I've spent online today but I'm still suffering the effects of playing soccer on Sunday with Dad & the guys. Time passes by very quickly when your legs feel like jelly and it's a physical barrier you have to push through to stand up. So I don't, I just sit there and wait for the muted ads to finish. I jarred my ankle for an instant during the game. I stopped the ball from leaving the goal area in the process of doing so, but now there's a very strange and difficult to stretch region down the back of my calf that I am really worried will strain if I do anything too laborious.
I have been listening to a lot of classical music recently, Beethoven in particular. I want Mozart! I need the basis of mathematical musical structure before I can listen to this complicated stuff!!! I'm strongly considering borrowing the Harpsichord cd from the library so I don't have to deal with the changes in volume too while I'm learning how to understand all this stuff!
Last night was so strange, ever since I have played spore I've been longing for tribal nights, primordial screams and a starry night sky... that game gets into your head. It's so exciting to feel that there is so much stuff still yet to learn, instead of the strict doctrine that your own reasoning develops independently of your choosing. So I picked up the maths texts on Spherical trigonometry just to have something new and exciting.
I love reading Angel's Game by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. The book is undoubtedly a masterpiece, the language proves it so. And the content is amazing. Part is like reading a flexible thought process like a discussion with oneself on high-brow stuff whereas the other (greater) part is the storyline, and gradually you begin to see how absolutely inseparable the two are. Like a logic borne of passion.
I have been listening to a lot of classical music recently, Beethoven in particular. I want Mozart! I need the basis of mathematical musical structure before I can listen to this complicated stuff!!! I'm strongly considering borrowing the Harpsichord cd from the library so I don't have to deal with the changes in volume too while I'm learning how to understand all this stuff!
Last night was so strange, ever since I have played spore I've been longing for tribal nights, primordial screams and a starry night sky... that game gets into your head. It's so exciting to feel that there is so much stuff still yet to learn, instead of the strict doctrine that your own reasoning develops independently of your choosing. So I picked up the maths texts on Spherical trigonometry just to have something new and exciting.
I love reading Angel's Game by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. The book is undoubtedly a masterpiece, the language proves it so. And the content is amazing. Part is like reading a flexible thought process like a discussion with oneself on high-brow stuff whereas the other (greater) part is the storyline, and gradually you begin to see how absolutely inseparable the two are. Like a logic borne of passion.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Speech
Today I thought of another sci-fi idea. Now let me remember what it was (I know this whole remembering business is just going to get worse as I get older) :P. Sorry, can't recall. I'm sure it'll come back in some moment of inspiration. Today is not one of those days.
I called my Dad to go play soccer with him and his buddies tonight, but he canceled because of work. It's one of those dreary days when nothing seems to go right. Well I did get to play a 2k in go today. Being officially a 6k, I was given 4 handicap stones. The first game was full of failure, the second game I won by a lot, 22.5 points (0.5 komi). Silly server! Give me a better rank Nowwww...
My mind has been reduced today to a babbling mess. There's really very little going on behind the scenes, just a few neurons firing. On the surface though it can be very concentrated. Sorry, I can be very concentrated. I scored a C+ on big brain academy today on my NDS, I have the brain of a Musician :) It's a giant leap up from Museum curator. Still my scores in the "Think" category are very low. The squiggly professor is right, I do need to relax more.
My language is so redundant, I wish I were able to speak and write the way that someone says their words, like ordinary speech. I truly believe it to be the basis of good storytelling, like JRRTolkien used to read his books to his children, and CSLewis would read his extracts to peers from Oxford university even when they were meant for children.
I called my Dad to go play soccer with him and his buddies tonight, but he canceled because of work. It's one of those dreary days when nothing seems to go right. Well I did get to play a 2k in go today. Being officially a 6k, I was given 4 handicap stones. The first game was full of failure, the second game I won by a lot, 22.5 points (0.5 komi). Silly server! Give me a better rank Nowwww...
My mind has been reduced today to a babbling mess. There's really very little going on behind the scenes, just a few neurons firing. On the surface though it can be very concentrated. Sorry, I can be very concentrated. I scored a C+ on big brain academy today on my NDS, I have the brain of a Musician :) It's a giant leap up from Museum curator. Still my scores in the "Think" category are very low. The squiggly professor is right, I do need to relax more.
My language is so redundant, I wish I were able to speak and write the way that someone says their words, like ordinary speech. I truly believe it to be the basis of good storytelling, like JRRTolkien used to read his books to his children, and CSLewis would read his extracts to peers from Oxford university even when they were meant for children.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Light Reading
Graaaahrghhhhhh! The go server is down. This in and of itself is no biggie, just that I was immersed in an exciting game with a different kind of player. He first let me take opposing corners and then didn't play in the fourth. Who writes a 'character of death' bug anyway? hackers just want to see things break... I guess I can understand that better than most, but why the go server!? *cries*
I went to the library today to get started reading Sophie Kinsella's "Confessions of a Shopaholic" (and whoa my fingers are unco trying to type today). I'm sure it's a better book than a movie. First of all it's set in England. You can get into her headspace very easily, however it's difficult to imagine that the character doesn't have a separate entity telling her it's really stupid to rationalize your way out of things when you only have yourself (and banks) to answer to.
Well atleast I've gotten a dose of a light novel. I needed it in between breaths of Angel's Game - the new Carlos Ruiz Zafon book. I loved Shadow of the Wind and all signs point to another fav. It's hard to imagine that a character would develop so steadily when most of the time Martin is alone, writing by himself (I need to try that more often btw). I think that's what the book is about. He's been raised by Videl to write, like he's a programmable thing. Of course if he's conversing with Angels then he's probably already hardcore christian.
I also picked up a cd of Mozart's Requiem. I really was looking forward to listening to some Mozart, because a lot of classical music is very difficult to understand or way too simple (read: forcing emotions down your throat). Unfortunately it was an opera... that's probably written on the case.. And I don't care for operas. Too much focus on the voice. Also I wanted the whole 'mozart effect' am I too old for that?
I went to the library today to get started reading Sophie Kinsella's "Confessions of a Shopaholic" (and whoa my fingers are unco trying to type today). I'm sure it's a better book than a movie. First of all it's set in England. You can get into her headspace very easily, however it's difficult to imagine that the character doesn't have a separate entity telling her it's really stupid to rationalize your way out of things when you only have yourself (and banks) to answer to.
Well atleast I've gotten a dose of a light novel. I needed it in between breaths of Angel's Game - the new Carlos Ruiz Zafon book. I loved Shadow of the Wind and all signs point to another fav. It's hard to imagine that a character would develop so steadily when most of the time Martin is alone, writing by himself (I need to try that more often btw). I think that's what the book is about. He's been raised by Videl to write, like he's a programmable thing. Of course if he's conversing with Angels then he's probably already hardcore christian.
I also picked up a cd of Mozart's Requiem. I really was looking forward to listening to some Mozart, because a lot of classical music is very difficult to understand or way too simple (read: forcing emotions down your throat). Unfortunately it was an opera... that's probably written on the case.. And I don't care for operas. Too much focus on the voice. Also I wanted the whole 'mozart effect' am I too old for that?
Monday, January 25, 2010
this very stupid topic.
A less common Sci-Fi motive, which I have only read about in certain Azimov and Arthur C. Clarke books, is that of the human race dying. I have been listening to Ayreon 01011001 and it is a common theme. There are intermediate reprises, where the humans seem to discover new aliens to evolve to their own level or create a new empire etc. But I wonder whether when the time comes (suppose we never discover more advanced space flight and it actually becomes impossible to preserve a human in cryogenic sleep or we have to rely on beginning to replicate cells once a stable planet is reached or we live through generations on the way to a new planet or create our own capable of sustaining life around the red-giant sun... okay so there are a bunch of solutions) will humans be individually advanced enough to accept their fate and to give way to new life. Even then the question remains: with or without our help?
this very stupid topic. ignores
this very stupid topic. ignores
colors
When I was a teenager, for a long time I was depressed. The aftereffects are becoming more and more apparent. I heard once that some men dream only in black and white. I don't believe it for a moment, color is one of the main aspects every time I shut my eyes. It's so easy to think about real life that same way: what is the color scheme? What hidden emotions color your life? I'm starting to think that I only see real life in monochrome.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
The Slowness
Still reading "A Fire on the Deep" Vernor Vinge. It even made me on the brink of tears (which is as far as I ever get) when
SPOILERS
Tyrathect gets taken over by the Flenser fragment. It was so sudden. The elements that make up Tyrathect consist of 3 intelligent Tines fighting for control against 2 of Flenser, the old tyrant that split himself and controls the politics indirectly. Since the invention of radio the pack members have been able to drift away from each other without losing thought speed. Occasionally one has to disconnect for maintenance. This time Tyrathect realizes that it is his last chance to make a difference before the Flenser fragment takes complete control (the radio made her stronger). A glimmer of hope and then his grim determination turns into weakness, the more dormant of the 2 Flenser exploits the weakness and mentally incapacitates Tyrathect. So sad, when you consider he was possibly Jeffry's only hope from within Steel's system.
SPOILERS
Tyrathect gets taken over by the Flenser fragment. It was so sudden. The elements that make up Tyrathect consist of 3 intelligent Tines fighting for control against 2 of Flenser, the old tyrant that split himself and controls the politics indirectly. Since the invention of radio the pack members have been able to drift away from each other without losing thought speed. Occasionally one has to disconnect for maintenance. This time Tyrathect realizes that it is his last chance to make a difference before the Flenser fragment takes complete control (the radio made her stronger). A glimmer of hope and then his grim determination turns into weakness, the more dormant of the 2 Flenser exploits the weakness and mentally incapacitates Tyrathect. So sad, when you consider he was possibly Jeffry's only hope from within Steel's system.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Terran II
Since I thought of it yesterday I am so excited to get "Terran" tattooed somewhere on my body. A lot of consideration will have to go into this before I'm ready to have it done. I will probably use the same typeface that they use in StarCraft.
Ooooooooooohh It's SOOO EPIC and fitting! It means to be unified as a race, explorers and conquerors. It's BOLD and it marks me out as a strategist.
Actually it's made me think about Warhammer 40k. I used to play Eldar, which I don't have the hype for. Tyranids, sure, they have the best story, I would love them if they were anything close to playable. Chaos, now there is where my heart lies in that series. Unfortunately it is a significant time drain to try to remember all the rules.
Ooooooooooohh It's SOOO EPIC and fitting! It means to be unified as a race, explorers and conquerors. It's BOLD and it marks me out as a strategist.
Actually it's made me think about Warhammer 40k. I used to play Eldar, which I don't have the hype for. Tyranids, sure, they have the best story, I would love them if they were anything close to playable. Chaos, now there is where my heart lies in that series. Unfortunately it is a significant time drain to try to remember all the rules.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Terran
I have been reading this great space opera by Vernor Vinge: 'A fire upon the deep'
and it has made me think a lot. I can't read this book at any good pace, it is quite complex. There are a few things, without going into too much detail, that stand out in memory.
SPOILERS
The pack animals, the Tines are incredible creatures that offer a spring of complexity and analysis in contrast to the human race. In particular there is a death scene involving Scriber Jaquaramaphan. Johanna looks down on his inventions (a personality trait or inherent in humanity) because they disobey the laws of physics, unknown to Scriber. Instead of helping him perfect them she revels in the obscenity and laughs at them. He misunderstands and thinks that she approves, but then she throws the book on the fire. I know that we often can throw people by the wayside for silly ideas but what happens next is interesting to the storytelling aspect of the book (sci-fi's often miss). Scriber dies. All of his members except Ja are instantly killed. Ja crawls back to Woodcarver with a broken spine. It's very sad. Johanna was prepared to seek his forgiveness, although the thought processes involved in this were self-oriented. She doesn't seem to care about Scriber. Well I personally did care about him, and when the Johanna / Woodcarver side of the story seems so episodic (read: throwaway).... hell I dunno what to say about it. It's a feeling thing.
I do sometimes wonder why the human race often seems so lonely in space operas. We always appear to have enemies and don't collaborate to become something better. Would an alien be worth as much, do they all evolve the same machine logic overlayed with emotion? Or are there completely different systems of looking at things - far more foreign than cultural differences between nations? They could even have ESP or even something more quantifiable that we haven't been shown. It's all about being human.
and it has made me think a lot. I can't read this book at any good pace, it is quite complex. There are a few things, without going into too much detail, that stand out in memory.
SPOILERS
The pack animals, the Tines are incredible creatures that offer a spring of complexity and analysis in contrast to the human race. In particular there is a death scene involving Scriber Jaquaramaphan. Johanna looks down on his inventions (a personality trait or inherent in humanity) because they disobey the laws of physics, unknown to Scriber. Instead of helping him perfect them she revels in the obscenity and laughs at them. He misunderstands and thinks that she approves, but then she throws the book on the fire. I know that we often can throw people by the wayside for silly ideas but what happens next is interesting to the storytelling aspect of the book (sci-fi's often miss). Scriber dies. All of his members except Ja are instantly killed. Ja crawls back to Woodcarver with a broken spine. It's very sad. Johanna was prepared to seek his forgiveness, although the thought processes involved in this were self-oriented. She doesn't seem to care about Scriber. Well I personally did care about him, and when the Johanna / Woodcarver side of the story seems so episodic (read: throwaway).... hell I dunno what to say about it. It's a feeling thing.
I do sometimes wonder why the human race often seems so lonely in space operas. We always appear to have enemies and don't collaborate to become something better. Would an alien be worth as much, do they all evolve the same machine logic overlayed with emotion? Or are there completely different systems of looking at things - far more foreign than cultural differences between nations? They could even have ESP or even something more quantifiable that we haven't been shown. It's all about being human.
home again
You know that visualization stuff really works. The lack of callouses on my left fingers vs my newfound proficiency in the violin is living proof. Without much practice I felt mightily competent as I was playing with my Aunt in Toukley this Tues and Wed 12-13/1. I was even able to read the music much better (I think partly because I did not need to concentrate on my hands).
I love these little trips, I did have to explain some silly religious standpoint to my aunt who is some form of christian. I don't think she cares and neither do I. But the highlight must have been going to the beach. The waves were pretty terrible, I thought it was a little funny the people who stood out there waiting for a wave. It must be their form of zen meditation, because no good wave was forthcoming. I still recognized what the waves were doing, they came in two or three at a time and closer to the beach where the small ones were breaking was the best place to be. Just as they broke the bigger wave behind it would catch up and gave me a little burst ride. I also found the spot where the waves converged and made a whole lot of turbulence.
Anyway, I'm back to reality - the long holidays and my book ideas. I have had some fantastic dreams recently, many elements are thanks to Spore. That game is absolutely visionary.
I'm waiting to catch up with Stef's parents, who are visiting from Germany. I think I may need a crash course in sign language. I think we could start off the night that I see them by playing charades so I can get a feel for it.
I love these little trips, I did have to explain some silly religious standpoint to my aunt who is some form of christian. I don't think she cares and neither do I. But the highlight must have been going to the beach. The waves were pretty terrible, I thought it was a little funny the people who stood out there waiting for a wave. It must be their form of zen meditation, because no good wave was forthcoming. I still recognized what the waves were doing, they came in two or three at a time and closer to the beach where the small ones were breaking was the best place to be. Just as they broke the bigger wave behind it would catch up and gave me a little burst ride. I also found the spot where the waves converged and made a whole lot of turbulence.
Anyway, I'm back to reality - the long holidays and my book ideas. I have had some fantastic dreams recently, many elements are thanks to Spore. That game is absolutely visionary.
I'm waiting to catch up with Stef's parents, who are visiting from Germany. I think I may need a crash course in sign language. I think we could start off the night that I see them by playing charades so I can get a feel for it.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Write in aftermath
Do you think there could be a genre called 'simple'? I was trying to list a bunch of different genres and they all implied a restriction on the story, sci-fi being the loosest of the main types. None of them are things that I particularly want to write. Do I start by saying, here is my romantic hero, here is my detective, here is my alien or time traveler and work from there? Is there not enough fleshy story in the realm of normal and/or simple? Sometimes I feel like no one else shares my love of small things.
Today may have been pretty useless as far as my development as a writer is concerned. I tried starting a piece of fanfic of DTB. I love that series, at first I thought it was very free but soon realized that there are gigantic character constraints. The Syndicate member is often the emotionless human connection to the truly emotionless contractors and he always has jobs for Li. Rin is a doll and Misaki is mediated by her duty as a policewoman and love of Li. The conflict of those two rarely shows through, she immediately neglects her duty as soon as he's near but she doesn't think about the two as contradictory. She actively seeks him out as part of her job and because she experiences that familiar sense of loneliness.
The nuance is what I'm aiming for.
Today may have been pretty useless as far as my development as a writer is concerned. I tried starting a piece of fanfic of DTB. I love that series, at first I thought it was very free but soon realized that there are gigantic character constraints. The Syndicate member is often the emotionless human connection to the truly emotionless contractors and he always has jobs for Li. Rin is a doll and Misaki is mediated by her duty as a policewoman and love of Li. The conflict of those two rarely shows through, she immediately neglects her duty as soon as he's near but she doesn't think about the two as contradictory. She actively seeks him out as part of her job and because she experiences that familiar sense of loneliness.
The nuance is what I'm aiming for.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Suzumiya Haruhi
I'm still digesting this series. A lot of the themes have already been covered in Evangelion, which I am overly familiar with. Haruhi has the ability to change the universe at (subconscious) will, a little like Shinji except that the story is about her personality rather than how fucked up Shinji is mentally.
So that's not what tends to stand out for me. The story is wonderful, an example of creative freedom well told. In fact it looks effortless like a real life.
On second thought, this lesson is better left unsaid.
So that's not what tends to stand out for me. The story is wonderful, an example of creative freedom well told. In fact it looks effortless like a real life.
On second thought, this lesson is better left unsaid.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Crap
I've been so caught up in playing spore recently. I spend hours on it and don't even check the time. Today I completed the ultimate mission: to make it to the center of the galaxy. It's really difficult to get past all the enemy space ships and the closer you get the smaller your travel distance becomes.
The ending SPOILER: was very 2001 a space odyssey with a touch of Hitch Hiker's guide with a supreme being talking to you through a little speaker, who gives you the staff of life, 42 of them that instantly terraform a planet into t3 (fully supported life).
I also started a new game, where I actually knew my objectives. Unfortunately, not having played through the earlier stages I had no special abilities and spent all my time flying around taking all the good solar systems (with rare spice planets) for myself, then trying not to anger people too much. I don't have anything except interstellar drive 3 and a decent lump of money. Trying to protect everything will be difficult until interstellar drive 5.
Crap I did nothing with my day... at least this will help me get over Spore for a while. I will start playing go again.
The ending SPOILER: was very 2001 a space odyssey with a touch of Hitch Hiker's guide with a supreme being talking to you through a little speaker, who gives you the staff of life, 42 of them that instantly terraform a planet into t3 (fully supported life).
I also started a new game, where I actually knew my objectives. Unfortunately, not having played through the earlier stages I had no special abilities and spent all my time flying around taking all the good solar systems (with rare spice planets) for myself, then trying not to anger people too much. I don't have anything except interstellar drive 3 and a decent lump of money. Trying to protect everything will be difficult until interstellar drive 5.
Crap I did nothing with my day... at least this will help me get over Spore for a while. I will start playing go again.
Friday, January 1, 2010
You are not alone
Are we going to spend our whole lives asking the same questions over and over again? Sometimes I admire those army freaks. Then I remember they're INSANE, still...
I spent my entirety of yesterday playing Spore and just realized the time in time for Sex in the City. I love that show, I wish I had gotten into it earlier. I swear anyone watching it will be a lot more mature.
I spent my entirety of yesterday playing Spore and just realized the time in time for Sex in the City. I love that show, I wish I had gotten into it earlier. I swear anyone watching it will be a lot more mature.
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